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May 30 Cheating Hearts - Report by MSN SurveyMany cheat for a thrill, more stay true for loveMSNBC.com/iVillage survey shows fidelity can be a tough promise to keepBy Jane Weaver
Health editor
MSNBC
Updated: 8:37 a.m. PT April 16, 2007
 For most people in relationships, a commitment means no playing around, ever. That doesn't mean there aren't plenty of love rats out there. More than 70,000 adults completed the online reader survey in February, answering about 30 questions that revealed their intimate feelings about adultery and what makes them stray or stay faithful. About three-quarters of the survey takers say they've made a monogamous commitment, with a majority either married or remarried. But a significant portion found it easier to make that promise than keep it. Spending years together, exchanging wedding rings, even having children doesn’t inoculate a couple against cheating. In fact, married folks with kids — including women with very young children — are nearly as likely to commit adultery as childless couples. The bright side is, while many of us are tempted by the fruit of another, it seems we fear cheating more than we need. We're bombarded with images of infidelity in popular culture and the news, so it's no surprise we think it's a world of callous cads and desperate housewives. Survey takers guessed that twice as many people are having extramarital affairs as really are, estimating that 44 percent of married men and 36 percent of married women are unfaithful. The reality is it's not as rampant as we think, with 28 percent of married men and 18 percent of married women admitting to having a sexual liaison, the survey found. "We think everybody is out there doing it," says Janet Lever, a sociologist at California State University, Los Angeles, and the study's lead researcher. "Well, they're not." In fact, the rate of cheating has stayed pretty consistent, according to research expert Tom W. Smith, director of the General Social Survey for the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago. Smith conducted the highly respected study “American Sexual Behavior,” a poll of 10,000 people over two decades. The study found that 22 percent of married men and 15 percent of married women have cheated at least once — similar to the results from the MSNBC.com/iVillage survey.
Still, much of this depends on your definition of cheating. Nearly everybody considers sexual intercourse or oral sex to be cheating, but there are some other behaviors that fall into grayer areas. Nearly 20 percent of survey takers in committed relationships have romantically kissed someone else, a breach that 83 percent of people consider to be cheating. And 15 percent of men (though only 7 percent of women) have engaged in online sex or sexual Webcamming, which 66 percent of people consider to be cheating. Blind to the affair Six in 10 cheaters believe they totally got away with their affair and another one in 10 felt their partner was suspicious, but never found out for sure. Few cheaters — only 2 percent — were busted in the act. And even when confronted with a partner's suspicions, only 6 percent of both men and women confessed to having an affair. "It is surprising that the wives and husbands and girlfriends aren't more suspicious," says Lever. "Even when they know something's amiss — a sex life that's fizzled or intimacy waning — they count on their partner's love to keep them from straying."
The survey did find some common scenarios, however. Cheating tends to happen well into the relationship — especially in the three- to five-year zone — by a man who is dissatisfied with his sex life or a woman who feels emotionally deprived. The new lover is most often a friend or co-worker, and the typical fling lasts less than a week. "It can be the 30-year-old guy who's been cohabiting for six years with his girlfriend, or the 45-year old guy who has seemed happily married for 15 years, or, perhaps most surprising, it's the young mom who seems totally wrapped up with her infant and toddler," says Lever. Indeed, having kids is no deterrent. According to the survey, 15 percent of women and 16 percent of men with children ages 2 to 5 years had an affair. An unexpected 7 percent of women and 9 percent of men cheated while there was a baby under the age of 2 in the home. It also appears that money doesn’t buy marital happiness. For men with money, infidelity is just another perk. Among men making more than $300,000 a year, 32 percent report cheating, compared to 21 percent of men making less than $35,000 a year. Wealth isn't much of a factor in women's cheating. “Wealthy men may simply have more dating opportunities than men with less income,” says David Frederick, a psychologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, who helped analyze the survey findings. 'I like variety' Many thrive on the excitement they get from a fling (30 percent overall), but men and women are generally prowling for different things. Men want more sex (44 percent), more satisfying sex (38 percent) and variety (40 percent), findings that closely resemble the 2006 MSNBC.com/Elle magazine survey on monogamy. “Mostly I’ve cheated because of the excitement,” writes a 38-year-old man who took the survey. “I like variety and a more wild sex life than I’ve been able to enjoy with relationship partners." Women's motives range from the need for more emotional attention (40 percent) to being reassured of their desirability (33 percent) or falling in love with someone else (20 percent).
“Men are more likely to look for sexual novelty. They might be looking for a sexual outlet without the expectation of continuity,” says Sandra Leiblum, director of the Center for Sexual and Relational Health at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School in Piscataway, N.J., who was not involved in the survey. “And once you satisfy the itch, it recurs.” A gender split between sexual and emotional drivers can also be seen in attitudes toward wandering partners. Women say they would be more upset if their partner fell in love with someone else than if their partner had sex with that person (65 percent, compared to 47 percent of men), but men say they’d be more distressed by their partner having a sexual affair than falling in love (53 percent, compared to 35 percent of women). "Men are more threatened sexually by the sense of competition and comparison; women are more threatened by the loss of the emotional intimacy,” says Leiblum. “Whenever there is an affair there’s a sense of competitiveness with the third party. Men see it as a comment on their sexual competency and masculinity, whereas for women it’s not the sex, it’s the meaning of having the emotional bond with someone else.” It's not all about mushiness for ladies — one in five who cheated said they were looking for more satisfying sex than they were getting from their primary partner. “I was miserable in my marriage of nine years,” writes a 28-year-old woman who ended up divorcing her husband to be with her affair partner. “My husband and I never had sex and the sex we did have was boring!” Women are also twice as likely to use an affair to get out of a bad relationship. Actions aside, 71 percent of people say it's never OK to be unfaithful. Yet, one in four men and one in 10 women think cheating is justified if a partner has no interest in sex. “People who engage in marital infidelity think they have a good reason, but this is an area where our behavior doesn’t fit our attitudes in a very large way,” says Howard Markman, a professor of psychology and co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver. “People are amazingly adept at justifying their negative behavior; it's one of the biggest problems in marriages.” About two-thirds of cheaters say they don’t regret their actions, and 12 percent of men and 13 percent of women say they’re glad they cheated. For many "it was a life experience, or a daring adventure," says Lever, the survey's lead researcher. "They had some fabulous sex for a week and they didn't regret it." But many did face lingering feelings of sadness (25 percent), stress (32 percent) and guilt (49 percent). "The only thing that turned out from cheating was feelings of guilt and shame," writes a 31-year-old woman who is currently single. "It most definitely made me realize how much I loved my primary partner and that anyone else was not worth it!" No doubt infidelity is a serious problem that often leads to divorce or damaged relationships — 19 percent of people who were cheated on ended the relationship right away and 22 percent eventually broke up because they couldn’t get over the betrayal. Sexual infidelity played a role in just over half of divorces, the survey found. "The fallout from affairs is not as much fun as the fling," says Leiblum. "When affairs come to light, the damage to the relationship is quite substantial. It can take months and even years to lessen the toxic effect of disbelief, anger, hurt and betrayal and even then it’s not totally gone." A 29-year-old woman who has been on the receiving end of such a betrayal agrees. "When someone cheats on you, it destroys your self-worth." Love keeps us true For the most part, love does keep people faithful. While 68 percent of men in a monogamous relationship say they've desired someone else and 43 percent of women have had the hots for another person, they're not lighting their fires with someone else's match. More than three-quarters of participants say they are too much in love to be unfaithful and 68 percent don't want to risk losing their partner. Love of one's partner was also one of the main reasons why people stopped cheating (20 percent). Even among couples that have been together for more than 30 years, four-fifths of women and two-thirds of men report being faithful during the entire relationship. For some, remaining faithful is the ultimate symbol of dedication. "She is the love of my life," writes one 31-year-old man about his wife. "I searched years to find her and I would never want to ruin what took so long to find." © 2007 MSNBC Interactive
May 29 Winners of Bill Gates' annual PC design contestIn Pictures: PC Design Contest WinnersThe winners of Bill Gates' annual PC design contest have created some strange and beautiful objects that you might not guess are computers. By Mark Sullivan, Today @ PC World
See our slideshow of the winning designs here.
May 28 Miss Riyo Mori crowned Miss Universe 2007!After such a long wait for Asia... She's a natural.
RIYO MORI This evening, during one of the year’s most exciting live international television events, a star-studded panel of judges chose Miss Japan, Riyo Mori, as MISS UNIVERSE® 2007 Ms. Mori is 20 years-old and has been dancing since she was 4. She loves traveling the world and enjoys visiting museums and watching musicals. The judging panel for the 2007 Miss Universe Pageant included NBC's "Heroes" James Kyson Lee, NBC's "Deal or No Deal" briefcase model Lindsay Clubine, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, rocker Dave Navarro, World and Olympic figure skating champion Michelle Kwan, fashion designer Marc Bouwer, Novela Star Mauricio Islas, "Project Runway" judge and Elle magazine fashion director Nina Garcia, and former Miss Universes Dayanara Torres (1993) and Christiane Martel (1953). Throughout the two-hour event, contestants from 77 countries around the world competed in three categories: swimsuit; evening gown; and personality interview. Zuleyka Rivera, Miss Universe 2006, crowned her successor at the conclusion of the two-hour primetime telecast, before an estimated worldwide viewing audience of more than 1 billion in over 170 countries. The MISS UNIVERSE® 2007 prize package includes: Official Miss UNIVERSE Mikimoto pearl tiara; 2 Year Scholarship from The NY Film Academy in NYC; custom designed wardrobe by Tadashi; National and International multi-media advertising campaign and a complete denim wardrobe from YMI Jeanswear; Swimsuit wardrobe from BSC Swimwear Thailand; Shoe wardrobe from Nina; A Ritmo Mundo Jumbo Jet Mystery Dial time piece; Year-long supply of hair care products and tools from Farouk Systems; Membership to Gravity Fitness and papering at John Barrett Salon; Fashion Portfolio by leading fashion photographer Fadil Berisha; Consultation with stylist Billie Causieestko; New York City apartment for the year of her reign including living expenses; professional representation by the Miss Universe Organization and Trump Model Management; and a personal appearance wardrobe. The Miss Universe Organization, producers of the MISS UNIVERSE®, MISS USA® and MISS TEEN USA® competitions, is a Donald J. Trump and NBC Universal partnership. Utilizing its global grass roots infrastructure, the Miss Universe Organization is committed to increasing HIV/AIDS awareness by focusing on women's health and reproductive issues. By forging relationships with organizations committed to research and education such as the Latino Commission on AIDS, Global Health Council and God's Love We Deliver, Miss Universe is armed to impact women today.
 May 27 Sudan Darfur women brutually raped by Janjaweed — the Arab militiamenDarfur women describe gang-rape horror
STOP VIOLENCE, EVERYONE! Why are they not treated as humans?
 By ALFRED de MONTESQUIOU, Associated Press Writer
KALMA, Sudan - The seven women pooled money to rent a donkey and cart, then ventured out of the refugee camp to gather firewood, hoping to sell it for cash to feed their families. Instead, they say, in a wooded area just a few hours walk away, they were gang-raped, beaten and robbed. 
AP Photo: Aisha Hamid, one of seven women gang raped while collecting firewood outside their refugee camp...
Naked and devastated, they fled back to Kalma.
"All the time it lasted, I kept thinking: They're killing my baby, they're killing my baby," wailed Aisha, who was seven months pregnant at the time. The women have no doubt who attacked them. They say the men's camels and their uniforms marked them as janjaweed — the Arab militiamen accused of terrorizing the mostly black African villagers of Sudan's Darfur region. Their story, told to an Associated Press reporter and confirmed by other women and aid workers in the camp, provides a glimpse into the hell that Darfur has become as the Arab-dominated government battles a rebellion stoked by a history of discrimination and neglect. Now in its fourth year, the conflict has become the world's worst humanitarian crisis, and rape is its regular byproduct, U.N. and other human rights activists say. Sudan's government denies arming and unleashing the janjaweed, and bristles at the charges of rape, saying its conservative Islamic society would never tolerate it. It has agreed to let in 3,000 U.N. peacekeepers, but not the 22,000 mandated by the U.N. Security Council. It claims the force would be a spearhead for anti-Arab powers bent on plundering Sudan's oil.
Meanwhile, more than 200,000 civilians have died and 2.5 million are homeless out of Darfur's population of 6 million, the U.N. says, and a February report by the International Criminal Court alleges "mass rape of civilians who were known not to be participants in any armed conflict." Kalma is a microcosm of the misery — a sprawling camp of mud huts and scrap-plastic tents where 100,000 people have taken refuge. It is so full of guns that overwhelmed African Union peacekeepers long ago fled, unable to protect it. It is so crowded that the government has tried to limit newcomers — forbidding the building of new latrines, so a stench pervades the air. Anyone venturing outside must reckon with the janjaweed, as Aisha and her friends found out.
In Sudan, as in many Islamic countries, society views a sexual assault as a dishonor upon the woman's entire family. "Victims can face terrible ostracism," says Maha Muna, the U.N. coordinator on this issue in Sudan. Some aid workers believe the janjaweed use rape to intimidate the rebels, and their supporters and families. "It's a strategy of war," Muna said in an interview earlier this year in Khartoum, the capital. Sudan's government is especially sensitive about such accusations and denies rape is widespread.
Sudanese public opinion would view mass rape much more severely than other crimes alleged in Darfur, said a senior Sudanese government official, who spoke on condition of anonymity for fear of retaliation from his superiors. He acknowledged the janjaweed had initially received weapons from the government — something the government officially denies — and said authorities now are struggling to rein in the militias. Nasser Kambal, a prominent human rights activist and co-founder of the Amel center, a Sudanese group helping victims of rape and other abuse, offers a similar view. "I don't think raping was planned by the government. Killing and looting and torture, yes, but not rape," he said. Kalma isn't the only place where multiple accounts of rape have surfaced. Some 120 miles away, in the town of Mukjar, two men separately described women being brought into a prison where they were being held and raped for hours by janjaweed. They said the assailants shouted that they were "planting tomatoes" — a reference to skin color: Darfur Arabs describe themselves as "red" because they are slightly lighter-skinned than ethnic Africans. According to Muna, U.N. agencies are working closely with Sudanese authorities to improve the government's response to rape allegations. In 2005, the government created a task force on rape in Darfur, headed by Attayet Mustapha, a pediatrician, government official and women's rights activist. In an interview this year, Mustapha said social workers were being deployed to address the problem and a special female police unit was being assembled in Darfur. "We tell officials that the government has decided to enforce a zero tolerance policy toward rape in Darfur," she said. U.N. workers say they registered 2,500 rapes in Darfur in 2006, but believe far more went unreported. The real figure is probably thousands a month, said a U.N. official. Like other U.N. personnel and aid workers interviewed, the official insisted on speaking anonymously for fear of being expelled by the government. Victims usually can't identify their aggressors, which makes prosecutions impossible. Only eight offenders were tried and sentenced for rape crimes in Darfur by Sudanese courts in 2006, said Mustapha, the task force leader. "They received three to five years prison, and 100 lashes" in accordance with Islamic law, she said. In May, after the top U.N. human rights official charged that Sudanese soldiers had raped at least 15 Darfur women during one recent incident, Justice Minister Mohammed Ali al-Mardi asked where the evidence was. "We always seem to get sweeping generalizations, without naming the injured, without naming the offenders," he told reporters. In Kalma, collecting firewood needed to cook meals is becoming more perilous as the trees around the camp dwindle and women are forced to scavenge ever farther afield. It is strictly a woman's task, dictated both by tradition and the fear that any male escorts would be killed if the janjaweed found them. Agreeing to tell the AP their story earlier this month through a translator, the seven women's voices wavered and hesitated, broken by embarrassed silences. All gave their names and agreed to be identified in full, but the AP is withholding their surnames because they are rape victims and vulnerable to retaliation. The women said they set out on a Monday morning last July and had barely begun collecting the wood when 10 Arabs on camels surrounded them, shouting insults and shooting their rifles in the air. The women first attempted to flee. "But I didn't even try, because I couldn't run," being seven months pregnant, said Aisha, a petite 18-year-old whose raspy voice sounds more like that of an old woman. She said four men stayed behind to flay her with sticks, while the other janjaweed chased down the rest of her group. "We didn't get very far," said Maryam, displaying the scar of a bullet that hit her on the right knee. Once rounded up, the women said, they were beaten and their rented donkey killed. Zahya, 30, had brought her 18-year-old daughter, Fatmya, and her baby. The baby was thrown to the ground and both women were raped. The baby survived. Zahya said the women were lined up and assaulted side by side, and she saw four men taking turns raping Aisha. The women said the attackers then stripped them naked and jeered at them as they fled. On their way back, men from the refugee camp unraveled their cotton turbans for the women to partly cover up, but the victims said they were laughed at when they entered the refugee camp. "Ever since, I've made sure that women living on the outskirts of the camp have spare sets of clothes to give out," said Khadidja Abdallah, a sheika, an informal camp leader, who took the women to the international aid compound at the camp to be treated. They were given anti-pregnancy and anti- HIV pills, thanks to which their families haven't entirely ostracized them, the women said. The baby Aisha was expecting at the time is doing well. His name is Osman. Sheikas in Kalma said they report over a dozen rapes each week. Human rights activists in South Darfur who monitor violence in the refugee camps estimate more than 100 women are raped each month in and around Kalma alone. The workers warn of an alarming new trend of rapes within the refugee population amid the boredom and slow social decay of the camps. But for the most part, they added, it all depends on whether janjaweed are present in the area. The sheikas say they are making some headway toward persuading families to accept raped women back into their embrace and let them report attacks to aid workers. One advantage is that they get a certificate confirming they were raped. "We tell husbands they might be compensated one day," said Ajaba Zubeir, a sheika. "But I don't think that's going to happen." The seven women say they haven't left the camp since they were attacked. They have started their own small workshop and make water jugs out of clay and donkey dung to sell to other refugees. As they worked on their large pile of jugs and bowls, they said they are even poorer than before, because they now have to buy their firewood from other women. "But at least we never have to go out again," said Aisha. None of the women has any faith that Sudanese or international courts will ever give them justice. All Zahya asks is that one day she can return to her village. "If people could at least help end the fighting, that would be enough," she said.
7 Ways to Tell Him You Love Him Without WordsSeven Ways to Tell Him You Love Him Without Words
By Susan Gifford
 If you want to show your guy that you think he's special, you could just tell him you love him. He'll always want to hear that. And, of course, you can surprise him with the latest Palm Pilot or that Big Bertha golf club he's been begging for. But probably the best way to make a man feel loved is to offer some simple, everyday acts of kindness that show him you understand him. These little gifts will give something back to you: a marriage infused with more trust and friendship and a deeper sense of togetherness.
So go ahead and buy him a toy if you feel like it. But if you want to make him so happy he skips right past "Thanks, hon," to "I'm married to the woman of my dreams," give him one of these seven tokens of devotion. No shopping required. Give Him a Cushion Raise your hand if this sounds familiar: You and your husband screech home from work. While you hug each kid and liberate a Boboli from its plastic wrap, your husband is very busy, too...studying the mail. Seeking a way in, you ask how his day was. No answer. He's home, but he's not. You're fuming, and that's understandable. But it turns out that men really do need a tiny buffer zone ‑- call it a cushion ‑- between work and family, says Deborah Tannen, Ph.D., professor of linguistics at Georgetown University in Washington, DC, and an expert in communication between the sexes. That cushion helps them change from "political" male with territory to defend to "loving" male with territory to share. "Many women use talk to reinforce the bond, but many men see talk as something they had to do all day to make sure they didn't get pushed around," says Tannen.
May 26 Gas prices high?Gas prices high -- but not high enoughA stiff tax increase and $4-a-gallon fuel could end Americans' addiction to gas-hogging SUVs and curb dependence on OPEC. But don't count on politicians to line up for higher taxes. Video on MSN Money: Strott on the street  Gas price woesGas prices are at an all-time high as the summer vacation season quickly approaches. MSN Money's Elizabeth Strott hit the streets to see how drivers feel about the pinch at the pump. By BusinessWeek This article originally appeared in David Kiley's Auto Beat blog on BusinessWeek.com. The average price of a gallon of gas is now above $3. That's affecting some car buyers' choices, as it has done whenever gas prices have spiked in the past two years. But it's still not high enough to spur the needed transformation of the U.S. auto fleet to much higher average fuel economy. And that brings me to gasoline taxes, the one obvious measure that would move the U.S. to energy independence from the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries and substantially limit U.S. exposure to the political and ideological whims of the Middle East and Venezuela. But don't hold your breath. Republicans running for the White House are lining up to take pledges for no new taxes, no matter how badly they are needed. Connecticut is actually rolling back its state gas tax by 5 cents a gallon to throw a bone to voters. Oh boy -- 5 cents! Ridiculous! Democrats are showing no more courage, though they are talking more about the need for greater fuel economy. Sen. Chris Dodd, D-Conn., a presidential hopeful, is pushing for carbon taxes on auto makers. But he has said recently that "direct" taxes on consumers/voters aren't (politically) feasible. So much for "Profiles in Courage."
Conversations I have had with congressional staffers and one prominent Democratic congressman tell me that polling data going back to the 1980s shows that no tax increase would be more unpopular with voters than a gas-tax increase. It's working for EuropeEurope has an average fuel economy for its new-car fleet of more than 40 miles per gallon. The European Union years ago amassed support among members for high taxes on gasoline, which drove a swift migration from big cars to smaller cars and to diesel fuel. The result: less dependency on OPEC and cleaner air in the cities.
A congressional staffer told me that to get a gas-tax increase across to the American voter, the president would have to drive a bipartisan effort, with the Democratic and Republican leadership of Congress standing behind him as he addressed the country in a series of speeches explaining the need for a higher gasoline tax, and that both parties would have to sign an agreement that neither side would use the tax against the other party in ads or rhetoric. How likely does such a photo op appear? The rhetoric today is about hydrogen by 2030, ethanol and biofuel, carbon taxes and such. It's all about everything that puts higher fuel economy off for perhaps two decades. But we know that if we slapped a gas tax of, say, $1 to $1.50 per gallon on today's gasoline, legislated a price floor on oil of, say, $50 per barrel to keep gasoline above $4 per gallon, there would be mass trading of SUVs and pickups for smaller, more-fuel-efficient vehicles. And there would be a rapid flight of popularity for vehicles that ran on clean diesel fuel. Auto companies would like to see this gas-tax strategy adopted. Most environmentalists support the gas tax, too. It's a proven way to achieve rapid fuel economy. Auto makers just want some predictability in the marketplace, like they got in Europe, so they know what vehicles to make for American tastes and demands. In short, they build big SUVs and high-horsepower vehicles because that's what the public wants when gas prices are low. Gasoline prices have surged in recent weeks to a record nationwide average of more than $3.20 per gallon, surpassing the previous record of $3.07 per gallon set in September 2005, according to the U.S. Energy Information Administration. A 'gradual' shift in buyingAs gas prices rise, owner loyalty in the large-pickup and midsize- and large-utility-vehicle segments drops, according to data gathered by the Power Information Network between February and April. Owner loyalty is measured by the percentage of owners in any given segment who trade for another vehicle in the same segment.
"We're seeing a broad, long-term -- but gradual -- movement to smaller vehicles," says Tom Libby, the senior director of industry analysis for the Power Information Network. "For example, during periods of high gas prices over the past two years, we've seen movement from larger to smaller SUVs. However, the total SUV pie remains largely intact."
Additionally, sales of small vehicles, including cars and light trucks, as a percentage of new-vehicle retail sales, have risen from 26.3% in the first quarter of 2004 to 31.8% in the first quarter of 2007. That's a start. But consumers won't trade the Ford Expeditions, Toyota Sequoias and Chevy Tahoes that they don't need until gasoline is permanently more than $4 per gallon. The people who really need those vehicles for ranching and boat towing will buy them no matter what. The new tax money could go to tax offsets for lower- and lower-middle-income consumers and to invest in new energy infrastructure in the U.S. That makes sense. This is not an original idea, but the gas tax could be called a "patriot tax" to exempt it from political wrangling. But what candidate would approve that message? When couples clickedBy Kimberly Dawn Neumann
Sure, many happy couples claim they just knew when they’d found The One. But if you get them to sit down and think about it, nearly all of them end up admitting that an actual, real-world occurrence — not their amazing sixth sense — tipped the scales from “in like” to “in love.” Take, for example, these five couple’s “a-ha!” moments below. Keep an eye out for similar scenarios in your own dating life and you may soon have your own “We knew we were meant for each other when…” story to recount one day. “The trip was a wash—but we still had an incredible time!” Case history: “I was on vacation in Bermuda with my girlfriend. Terrible weather kept us stuck inside nearly the whole time. But somewhere between ordering pizza and watching movies, I realized that I was having a phenomenal time anyway. It didn’t matter what we were doing, I just loved being with her. I knew after that trip that I was going to propose.” —Doug Schulein, Newport Beach, CA Love lesson: When you’ve met your match, everything’s a blast! “The best way to tell if you’re compatible is to be somewhere alone without people or distractions,” says Sam R. Hamburg, Ph.D., author of Will Our Love Last? “If you’re having a great time just with each other’s company, that’s a very good sign.” Hamburg warns that couples who spend most of their courtship around other people may find that they have very little to talk about when they’re away from a group. Make sure you can exist “alone” as a couple. “It was love at first fight” Case history: “Ironically, it was our first argument that made me realize we clicked as a couple. One night when my boyfriend and I were newly dating, we had a dilly of a disagreement on the phone. But instead of hanging up, my boyfriend made me stay on the line for four hours until we’d worked through it and communicated our sides fairly. His rule was ‘never go to sleep angry’ and by sticking to that we were able to move forward rather than break up. Now we’re engaged.” —Regina Petruzzi, Reston, VA Love lesson: How you deal during your low points means a lot. “The key to dealing with the lows is riding them out with your partner, as Regina’s boyfriend insisted on doing, rather than running away from them,” says Hamburg. “The main reason couples’ fights don’t resolve is because they can’t stand the anxiety that comes from finding themselves in conflict with the person they love.” That’s why couples who can deal with tiffs without losing their heads have it made. “We needed to break up to realize we were right for each other” Case history: “Kerry and I had dated on and off for a while before breaking up for nine months. One day during that time, I happened to read an article in the New York Times about Einstein’s brain. In an instant, I thought: 1) She must have read the article because she always read the paper, and 2) If we were together right now we would have had an interesting conversation about it. In that moment, I missed her intensely and thought maybe I’d made a mistake letting her go. That was the beginning of my journey back to the woman who’s now my wife.” —Adam Heller, New York, NY Love lesson: Absence can make the heart grow fonder. Breaking up with someone doesn’t always mean it’s over. After a hiatus, many couples reunite and are stronger than ever, having gained a newfound perspective on their relationship and appreciation for its strengths, says Hamburg. So if an ex you haven’t talked to or even thought about in months or years suddenly enters your mind, don’t discount it as a fluke. Fate could be trying to tell you something. Maybe it’s time to make that call or compose that email. “Wow, she actually liked my odd sense of humor!” Case history: “Not long after we met, Molly and I were on a drive and spotted a huge pond. Molly commented that for the frogs who lived there it must feel like the Great Lakes. So doing my best Gordon Lightfoot I sang — to the tune of The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald — ‘The legend lives on from the bullfrogs on down, of the big lake they call Ribbit-goomie.’ We laughed until we were crying. At that moment, I knew that someone who likes my humor and doesn’t think it’s completely dorky is the person I had to marry.” —Winfield Cline, Spokane, WA Love lesson: Those who laugh together, last together. Sure, we all know that someone who makes us giggle is gold. But it’s not just because it’s fun to have our own personal Seinfeld. “It means you ‘get’ each other,” says Hamburg. “That means that when you hit a rough spot—and all relationships do from time to time—you can laugh about that together as well, and strengthen your bond.” “I was terrified—and my thoughts turned to her” Case history: “I knew that Heidi was The One after I ended up in the ER with horrible pains in my abdomen that led to surgery. When I woke up after the operation, I realized the person I wanted to see more than anyone was my girl! Realizing that the face I wanted to see was Heidi’s definitely sealed the deal.” —Scott McLeod, Costa Mesa, CA Love lesson: A crisis can be a big wake-up call. Traumatic experiences, big or small, can often snap people from casual relationship status into true love mode. If no one — not even your friends or family — can offer you solace like the person you’re seeing, that’s a clear sign your relationship has legs. “Sometimes the most important reason we click with a person is that we feel a sense of safety with that person,” says Hamburg. “While we may not be compatible with them in some ways, we have a deep certainty that they want to make sure we always have the emotional supplies we most need.” Kimberly Dawn Neumann is a New York City-based writer and performer whose work has appeared in such publications as Marie Claire, Fitness, and Prevention. May 25 Coke Buys GlaceauCoke buying Vitaminwater parentCoca-Cola will acquire Energy Brands for $4.1 billion. Nasdaq agrees to buy Sweden's stock exchange after losing its bid for the London Stock Exchange earlier this year. Existing-home sales drop to a four-year low.
What do soda and vitamins have in common? Coca-Cola (KO, news, msgs) thinks a lot. The beverage giant said today that it will buy Energy Brands, also known as Glacéau, the maker of the popular Vitaminwater, in a deal worth $4.1 billion in cash. Shares of Coke rose 70 cents to $51.94 on the news.
The move will allow Coke "to grow its active-lifestyle beverages," a news release stated, and CEO Neville Isdell said the deal will help boost the company's market share. "We envision even faster growth for Glacéau as part of Coca-Cola's enhanced range of brands for North American customers and consumers." Stocks were moving higher by midday, after big losses yesterday. At 12:25 p.m. ET, the Dow Jones Industrial Average was up 22 points to 13,463. The Nasdaq Composite Index had gained 12 points to 2,550, and the Standard & Poor's 500 Index was up 4 points at 1,511. Coca-Cola's soda products make up 80% of its sales, while rival PepsiCo (PEP, news, msgs) relies on soda for less than 20% of its sales.
"We look at this as a play for the future," Coke President Muhtar Kent told CNBC this morning. "We see great opportunity for these growth categories." Coke has been working to expand its line of noncarbonated beverages and healthier drinks. It acquired Fuze Beverage, which makes juices and teas, in March, and recently introduced Diet Coke Plus, a nutrient-enriched soda. "This is the position Coke's in, having to pay up because there are so few assets out there that can move the needle for them," Greenwood Capital Management money manager Walter Todd told Bloomberg News. "Coke needs Glacéau." Pepsi bought Naked Juice in November to add to its range of healthier products. It bought Gatorade parent Quaker Oats in 2001, after Coca-Cola nixed a deal. 'I'll take trans-fat-free fries with that'The soda giants aren't the only corporate giants on a health kick.
It looks like fast-food chain McDonald's (MCD, news, msgs) is getting on the wellness train, too. McDonald's said at its annual shareholders meeting yesterday that all of its restaurants will switch to cooking their French fries and other foods in trans-fat-free oil by the end of the year. The company is already selling fries in the new, healthier oil at 3,500 of its 13,800 restaurants in the U.S. Existing-home sales hit 4-year lowThere was more disappointing news on housing today.
The National Association of Realtors said sales of existing homes in the U.S. fell 2.6% to an annual rate of 5.99 million in April, the slowest pace in four years. Economists had expected a decline of 0.2% to 6.11 million units. The supply of existing homes on the market rose 10.4% to 4.2 million, or an 8.4-month supply -- the highest level since April 1992. This follows a much more upbeat report yesterday from the Commerce Department that said new-home sales had risen unexpectedly in April, up 16% from March. Gap's profit slidesThe Gap's (GPS, news, msgs) profit dropped 26% in the first quarter, the retailer reported yesterday. Net income fell to $178 million, or 22 cents per share, from $242 million, or 28 cents per share, in last year's opening quarter.
Analysts had been looking for earnings of 24 cents per share. Nevertheless, Gap shares rose 28 cents to $18.57 by midday. The company said price reductions at its stores had hurt sales in the quarter.
The Gap has been looking for a CEO to replace Paul Pressler, who was forced out in January amid dismal sales and a slumping stock price. Bob Fisher has been filling in as interim chief. The retailer is "actively working to fix our core business, retain and recruit talent, and streamline operations so that our organization can be more nimble and efficient," Fisher said in a prepared statement. Nasdaq to buy European exchangeThe Nasdaq Stock Market (NDAQ, news, msgs) said today that it will buy Swedish exchange OMX Group for $3.7 billion.
The exchange -- Europe's fifth-largest -- is home to Scandinavian companies such as Volvo (VOLV, news, msgs) and Nokia (NOK, news, msgs). The move will follow the completion of rival NYSE Group's (NYX, news, msgs) $14 billion acquisition of Euronext last month. Nasdaq tried unsuccessfully to buy the London Stock Exchange Group (LSE, news, msgs) earlier this year and has been trying to make a trans-Atlantic acquisition for more than a year.
The new company will be called Nasdaq OMX. Capt. Jack Sparrow is backMemorial Day weekend means the unofficial start to summer, with rising gas prices and blockbuster movie openings.
Walt Disney (DIS, news, msgs) is banking on good old Capt. Jack Sparrow to charm viewers this holiday weekend, and executives are keeping their fingers crossed that the lovable pirate will outdo a superhero and a cartoon ogre to produce the No. 1 movie debut on record.
Disney's "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" comes out this weekend, debuting at a record 4,362 movie screens, according to box-office tracker Media By Numbers. Earlier this month, Sony's (SNE, news, msgs) "Spider-Man 3" took in $151.1 million on its opening weekend, topping last year's "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest," which had brought in $135.6 million. DreamWorks Animation's (DWA, news, msgs) "Shrek the Third" debuted last weekend and rung in $122 million, making it the best debut for an animated film and the third-biggest ever. Thirty years ago today, the mother of all summer blockbusters, "Star Wars," made its debut. That film, which also ushered in the era of licensed movie merchandise, earned $1.6 million on its opening weekend in 1977 and sent its studio's stock price soaring. Within three weeks, shares of 20th Century Fox had doubled to hit a record, according to the Internet Movie Database. When "Star Wars" was re-released in theaters in 1997, it made more than $36 million on over 2,000 screens on its opening weekend. Worse off than your dad?Men in their 30s in the U.S. are worse off than their fathers were just 10 years ago, a study released today says.
"There has been no progress at all for the youngest generation. As a group, they have on average 12% less income than their fathers' generation at the same age," the study says. The median income for an American man in his 30s was about $35,000 in 2004, 12% lower than the median income for a man in his 30s in 1974, which was the equivalent of $40,000 in today's dollars.
"Income in one's thirties is a reasonably good indicator of what one's lifetime income will be," the report says. The study was done by researchers from the Pew Charitable Trusts, The Brookings Institute, the Heritage Foundation, the American Enterprise Institute and the Urban Institute. By Elizabeth Strott May 22 Facts about ChemistryMeet the love of your life
 7 quirky facts about chemistryBy Laura Schaefer
If you think clicking with another person is all about fate, destiny or a fairy godmother, think again! There’s actually some (very) weird science at work... and here’s proof: 1. Like go-get-’em types? Look for a long fourth finger. Here’s why: If your date’s ring finger is longer than his or her index finger, it’s an indication that he or she was exposed to higher than average amounts of testosterone in the womb, says Dr. John T. Manning of Rutgers University in his book Digit Ratio. This correlates to a personality which tends to be logical, decisive, and ambitious. If these traits tickle your fancy, stick around. 2. Adrenaline is the new oyster. Skip the shellfish, and do something daring to bond with a new honey. Research by Arthur Aron and Donald Dutton shows that adrenaline ups our interest in a potential mate. Male subjects in the study were asked to cross two kinds of bridges (one shaky, one sturdy) to talk to an attractive female “researcher” giving a questionnaire. Upon completing the task, the woman gave each subject her phone number. Those subjects who met the woman on the shaky bridge were more likely to call and more likely to ask her on a date. The reason? The exhilaration of being in a risky situation rubs off on the person you’re with, so if you’re looking for some instant sparks on a date, try something a little scary (roller coasters, scary movie, or white-water rafting, anyone?). 3. Women do want to date their fathers. Or, at least, date someone who smells like him. In one study by geneticist Carole Ober, female subjects were asked to sniff t-shirts of various scents and then state their preferences. Over and over again, subjects chose the odors that closely matched those of their dads. So, guys, if you make it to a “meet the parents” moment, take a peek in their medicine cabinet, and splash on some of Dad’s aftershave to seal the deal. 4. Don’t let your married friends weigh in on your love life. Think your hitched pals can help you detect good chemistry with a date? Um, no… Science has revealed that your married friends are clueless when they try to give you dating advice. In one study, psychologist Frank Bernieri asked 168 subjects to watch video clips of couples and rate how in love they were. Subjects who were in relationships guessed wrong again and again compared to their single peers. So the next time your friend with the rock on her finger waxes poetic on the intricacies of your love life, smile serenely and then get a second opinion. 5. There’s such a thing as “Pill goggles.” Consider these the first cousin to beer goggles—if you’re taking the birth-control pill, ladies, your taste in men may take a turn. That’s because birth control pills affect women’s hormone levels and to whom they are attracted. In one study, researcher Tony Little showed women different images of men and asked them to make their picks. Results show that women on birth control pills tended to choose men with more pronounced masculine features than those who weren’t on the Pill. The downside here? These manly traits are linked to high testosterone levels, aggressive behavior, and even higher divorce rates. So if you’re on the Pill, don’t turn a blind eye to those red flags… your contraception could cloud your judgment and lead you to fall for a less-than-wonderful guy. 6. The longer you’re together, the more simpatico you’ll become. Do you feel the chemistry getting stronger and stronger every day? Are you finishing one another’s sentences? Feeling as if you share one personality? You two may really be merging, says researcher Cameron Anderson, who interviewed 60 couples and roommates. By gauging his subjects’ reactions to a film after they had lived together one year, Anderson found that their personalities tend to converge over time, though the dominant partner changes his or her personality less. 7. Goose those chemicals to keep passion cooking. Those heady feelings of new love do fade over time, but there is an easy way couples in a rut can get ’em back: by trying novel things together, whether that’s traveling to foreign lands or even just breaking out the Zagat guide to try a totally new restaurant rather than your old stand-by. That’s because new experiences trigger the same chemical reaction in the body as love, says researcher Helen Fisher, author of Why We Love. So get out there and have an adventure, lovebirds, to keep boredom at bay. Laura Schaefer is the author of Man with Farm Seeks Woman with Tractor: The Best and Worst Personal Ads of All Time. The Richest have Passion and MoneyThe rich have money -- and passion
Interviews show that only a minority of the nation's top 1% inherited their wealth or made it in the stock market. Most said they simply had a dream and were willing to take risks in pursuing it.
By SmartMoney
The old saying is true: The rich are different. But not only do their values and habits set them apart from the hoi polloi, they're different from their wealthy predecessors of a generation ago. For those interested in joining their ranks, it helps to understand why. To enter the nation's top 1%, you need more than $5 million. And if you get there, you'll have plenty of newly arrived company: The number of U.S. "pentamillionaires" has quadrupled in the past 10 years, to more than 930,000. Indeed, 70% of the nation's big family fortunes are less than 13 years old, according to The Harrison Group, a research and marketing firm. And the people who amassed those fortunes are primarily entrepreneurs -- risk takers for whom wealth is a byproduct of pursuing their passion. What got them to the highest level? It isn't necessarily stock market savvy: On average, folks who recently hit the $5 million mark report that only 10% of their money came through passive investments. And only 10% of pentamillionaires inherited their wealth. More than luck involvedOne might think that good fortune would play a role, but even luck is largely a matter of one's own making. Psychologist Richard Wiseman has found that people who describe themselves as lucky share common habits that account for their success: They're friendly and fond of new experiences, traits that put them on a collision course with new opportunities. In addition, "lucky" folks simply have higher expectations of success -- they're too pigheadedly optimistic to heed the long odds and call it quits.
Not to say that getting rich is simply a matter of having a swell attitude. The path to riches usually involves the kind of risk that would make most people feel a little queasy.
Harrison Group head Jim Taylor recently persuaded more than 3,000 pentamillionaires to discuss their paths to success. Perhaps not surprisingly, none of them had a cushy union job down at the Department of Motor Vehicles. The vast majority -- 80% -- either started their own businesses or worked for small companies that saw explosive growth. Almost all of them made their fortunes in big lump sums after many years of effort. Surprisingly, today's very rich say that money itself wasn't much of a motivator. Once you've got food in your belly and a big-screen TV, the mere prospect of more Benjamins isn't enough to get you leaping out of bed at 5 a.m. Rather, rich folks often make their fortunes after they make up their minds to solve a problem or do something better than it's been done before. 'I just loved the work'When Frank Darras graduated from law school, all he wanted in terms of material wealth was a middle-class life for his wife and kids. But while working as a doctor's assistant to put himself through school, he developed a burning desire to help the folks he saw struggling with unpaid insurance claims.
"It was the David-and-Goliath aspect that attracted me more than anything," says the Ontario, Calif., attorney. Once he had his degree, Darras was like a cruise missile aimed at the insurance industry. By 1990, Darras had his first million-dollar year, and today he oversees one of the nation's largest disability- and long-term-care practices. "I never thought I'd make $5 million in two lifetimes," he says. "I just loved the work." Getting rich also requires a certain amount of stubbornness and clarity of purpose. Consultant Joel Kurtzman, who evaluated 350 startups for his book "Startups That Work," found that successful outlets usually have a team of two or three founders who share a common vision; the success rate for this model was a remarkable 50%. The odds for solo founders were more like the oft-quoted one in 10, in part because they often found themselves working at cross-purposes with hired guns who see things differently. That's what 34-year-old Justin Jarvinen learned the hard way. The entrepreneur saw two promising business ventures go down the tubes after he took on partners who tweaked his ideas beyond recognition. But three years ago he started VerveLife, a service that helps companies promote online marketing efforts with free music downloads. Knowing that his success depended on his enthusiasm for bringing the idea to market, he carefully chose partners who supported his vision. Jarvinen is now the majority shareholder in two dot-coms, and he claims an eight-figure net worth. But what really excites him is his freedom to explore and support new ideas; his current passion is mentoring younger entrepreneurs. "I'm interested in doing whatever I want, whenever I want," he says. Chances are you feel similarly. When people dream of getting rich, it's about more than nice clothes and fancy vacations. Being rich means freedom: to spend your time as you please, to pursue your real interests and to take chances without courting utter ruin. Paradoxically, the road to riches often means acting as if you already have that freedom. This article was reported and written by Anne Kadet for SmartMoney, with additional reporting by Anojja Shah. ========================================== 4 secret millionaires' road to richesThey're from modest backgrounds, and they've faced plenty of hurdles. But these folks learned how to slowly, steadily build wealth without drawing the least bit of attention. By Liz Pulliam Weston
You're probably surrounded by them. They live in modest homes, drive older cars, brown-bag their lunches. They don't look like millionaires. And yet they're worth seven figures. Almost a decade ago, the book "The Millionaire Next Door" alerted America to these quiet-living folks who accumulate wealth while their neighbors spend themselves into debt. Every day, more people join the ranks of the secret millionaires. Some of them post on the Your Money message board. I thought you might like to meet a few of them and learn how they did it. The best revengeWho: Linda, 52
Where: Houston Net worth: just passed the $1 million mark, including $150,000 in home equity Her tips: Get educated for a high-paying job; max out your retirement accounts; take some risk; buy disability insurance Linda's story sounds a lot like a country song. She dropped out of her East Texas high school at 16. She got married, divorced and then married again. She was 20 and five months pregnant when her husband was killed in a Christmas Eve auto accident. Seven weeks later, her father dropped dead of a heart attack. Her mother moved in with her. After years of supporting her mother and son, Linda finally remarried, only to get divorced again after giving birth to another son. Eventually, her younger son decided to live with his father, and Linda ended up paying child support. Then at 48, she developed a crippling case of lupus that forced her to quit work. So how in the world did this woman become a millionaire? Linda traces the start of her journey back to the dark days after her first son was born. The husband who died in the car wreck had failed to change the beneficiary on his life insurance, Linda said, and her in-laws kept the proceeds. "I was broke, uneducated and had no medical insurance," Linda remembered. "I owed the hospital and doctor for my son's birth and owed for my husband's funeral. My treatment by my in-laws made me furious, so I decided I'd show them!" Linda started reading the classifieds in the Houston Chronicle and noticed a lot of ads offering high-paying positions for pipe designers, an engineering job in the oil and gas industry. "I thought, 'How complicated could that be? (A pipe is) a tube with a hole in it,' " Linda said. "I called a community college that was a hundred miles away and asked if they taught pipe design, and they said, 'Sure, but late enrollment ends tomorrow.' " Linda hustled to sign up and sold most of what she owned, including her television and stereo, to help pay for school. After graduating with her two-year degree, she moved her family to Houston and went to work in June 1978 for $4.95 an hour. Over the years, her pay rose to $40 an hour, or more than $80,000 a year -- "not bad for an AA degree," as she put it. After working for several years, she was offered the opportunity to start investing in a 401(k), and she grabbed it. She initially split her money between a stock fund and a bond fund, but eventually shifted more into stocks to get a higher return. "I knew if I ever had a hope of retiring, I'd have to be aggressive in my investments," Linda said. "Through bull and bear markets, I've stayed almost 100% in stocks all this time. I've kept it diversified among U.S. and international and a small amount in emerging markets. I am just now beginning to move some assets into less-volatile holdings, but still have about 75% in stock funds." She made another smart decision: buying long-term-disability insurance through her employer. That policy now pays her $60,000 a year, about two-thirds of the salary she was making when her disability forced her to quit work in 2000. Four years ago, she remarried. She convinced her husband, who had no retirement savings, to start contributing to his 401(k), but the bulk of their current wealth came from the years when she was making $60,000 or less and supporting her children and mother. "All in all, I can't believe I've managed to accumulate as much as I have," Linda said. "If I can do this working from the hole I started out in, anyone can. All it takes is discipline." Linda said they live modestly in an "average middle-class neighborhood." Their cars, a 1998 Camry and a 2004 Corolla, are paid for. Their big indulgence is travel: They've been to Europe several times and enjoyed cruises to Scandinavia, Russia and Alaska. "Other than that, we live quiet lives and try to help our kids and grandkids as much as we can," Linda said. "I'm sure my neighbors would be shocked to learn we have assets anywhere near what we do. Especially when they see me working in the garden in stained clothes and with no makeup on, it would be hard to believe I wasn't a hired gardener at someone else's house!" Rags to riches to rags to . . .Who: Ed, 65
Where: Plano, Texas Net worth: nearly $2 million, including $350,000 in home equity His tips: Buy (and hang onto) real estate; invest in your 401(k); watch your spending Ed is another Texas high school dropout who's had his shares of ups and downs, surviving a harrowing real estate recession and losing $1.5 million in the dot-com bust. Ed immigrated to the U.S. as a teenager and spent nine years in the military, including a tour in Vietnam. By the time he was discharged, he had his high school equivalency degree plus three years of college study under his belt. He got a job working on computers for a large corporation. "My wife and I saved diligently and purchased our first house in 1966," Ed said. But the commute to his job was over 100 miles a day, so they decided to buy another home closer to work and rent out the first house. That was the start of their real estate empire. The couple continued buying rental properties and did well -- right up until the Texas housing market crashed in the mid-1980s, a victim of lower oil prices that cratered the state's economy. People left Texas in droves, and suddenly the couple had vacant rentals as well as a mortgage on a newly purchased, $250,000 home that carried a 16.5% interest rate. Many other landlords in similar situations let the banks foreclose on their vacant properties. But Ed and his wife hung on, using the savings they had built up to pay their mortgages and doing all maintenance chores themselves. Slowly, the market recovered. Ed retired from his job at age 50. He rolled his retirement accounts, including a 401(k) and a profit-sharing plan, into a self-directed individual retirement account.
"I was very aggressive in the market during the dot-com years," said Ed, whose net worth peaked at $3 million. "On my best day, I made $102,000 . . . and lost $104,000 on my worst day." Once again, the market turned against him, and he wound up losing half the couple's wealth in the 2000-2001 bear market. As before, the couple refused to give up. They began selling their investment properties to supplement their income and moved their retirement portfolio into mutual funds, bonds and cash. Today, they are "back on the road to recovery" with a net worth near $2 million and an annual income in retirement of $80,000, Ed said. But the careful buying habits of a lifetime haven't changed, he said. "My wife still clips coupons and is always on the lookout for sales." Ed said they have never talked about the peaks and valleys of their wealth with family members or friends, who he says would be shocked that they have such a high net worth. His wife in particular is eager to keep their secret, Ed said: "She is afraid that envy would interfere in her friendships." House-rich and frugalWho: Lynn, 46
Where: Bay Area, California Net worth: about $1.2 million, with $650,000 in home equity Her tips: Contribute to retirement accounts; have a good-sized emergency fund; drive older cars; watch your spending Living in an area with a high cost of living, as Lynn does, is a double-edged sword. Lynn's $90,000 salary as an account manager doesn't go as far as it might in, say, Kansas. But her net worth has benefited mightily from the recent run-up in real estate prices. Lynn and her husband, who was then a general contractor, bought their current home for $200,000 in 1995 and spent the next decade fixing it up. They did the work as they could afford it, charging the expenses to their Visa card but paying the balance in full every month. (They used the rewards points they earned this way to take their vacations.) The house is now worth more than $850,000. Along the way, the couple continued funding their retirement accounts, a $35,000 emergency fund and a college plan for their teenage son, which together constitute slightly less than half their net worth. Lynn is now the sole breadwinner as her husband starts up a new production business. They continue to live as they always have, looking for economies large and small. "I don't use any magic; I've just always been frugal," Lynn said. "I learned to stretch from my foreign-born mom." The couple drive older cars, a 1992 sedan and a 1995 van, both maintained regularly so they'll last. Lynn brings her lunch to work every day and makes or bakes gifts for the holidays. Parties are potlucks, and they've so far resisted the urge to upgrade their other entertainment options. "We don't own a plasma TV or have a game room," Lynn said. "In fact, the TV in the living room cost me $45 at a garage sale, but the screen is 25 inches and the color is great." Other ways she saves money include:
Their lives are focused on family, friends and the community, she said. They donate to charity, and she volunteers at two community organizations. "In our area, we would never be considered 'wealthy,' " Lynn said, "but we try to enjoy our time on this earth." Her only regret: Starting lateWho: Candace, 45
Where: New York metropolitan area Net worth: about $1.1 million, with $225,000 in home equity Her tips: Own a home; stay out of debt (other than a mortgage); contribute to retirement accounts; invest automatically Candace credits her father with encouraging her to avoid debt and save money. Currently she saves about 40% of her gross income. It helps, she says, that she's single and has no kids. "Since I only answer to myself, it's easy to limit my spending," Candace said. "My luxury is getting my hair highlighted -- a must because it makes me feel good about my appearance. Expensive hair, cheap clothes work for me. I exercise by running on the boardwalk, so no gym costs, either." Candace said she built her wealth by contributing to her 401(k) and IRAs and by staying in her job as a civil servant for 18 years, long enough to build up both her pension and her salary. "I have found that automatic investing is a great way to save money," she said. "I've learned to live without the cash, and the funds are moved to savings every pay period, so I don't have to remember to do it. With automatic investing, your savings grow quickly."
She invests in index funds, which mimic stock market benchmarks. Her one regret is that she didn't start investing sooner. "I didn't get into stocks until my late 30s," Candace said. She plans to keep the bulk of her portfolio in stocks, which should help give her the inflation-beating returns she'll need to fund a long retirement. She also hopes to leave an inheritance to her younger relatives. "My goal is to bequeath a sizable amount of money to each of my nieces and nephews," she said, "so that they can have the seeds to wealth." Liz Pulliam Weston's column appears every Monday and Thursday, exclusively on MSN Money. She also answers reader questions in the Your Money message board.
May 17 8-point Energy Solution8-point Energy SolutionFrom the cutting edge of science, a daily master plan guaranteed to keep you going and going and going.By Daryn Eller, Prevention
When is your daily low point that moment when you feel your spirits and energy flagging? Don't tell us, we know. We sifted through the very latest research on sleep, metabolism, stress, and chronobiology to identify the times when you are most vulnerable to fatigue and, with expert help, devised a foolproof plan to help you combat it. These eight strategies ensure you will wake up refreshed and recharged, remain alert throughout the day, and wind down just in time for a good night's sleep. Power walk, anyone?Brighten your morning Old Science: Let your body sleep for as long as it needs. New Science: Get up at the same time, and bathe yourself in light. It enables your circadian rhythms, which are governed by your body's "master clock" in the hypothalamus gland, to stay in synch with the 24-hour day. In the absence of light, your body's sleep-wake cycle wants to delay by an average of 12 minutes every day and work on a 24.2-hour rhythm. (Scientists don't understand why, but think it may relate to the sun's seasonal shifts.) "That means your body wants to keep pushing your bedtime to later," says Mariana Figueiro, PhD, program director of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute's Lighting Research Center. "But if you let that happen and still have to get up at the same time every day, you're going to be tired." To keep your circadian rhythms in time with the 24-hour day (when they get out of whack, you feel like you're jet-lagged), head to the light as soon as you get up, even on a Saturday when you've decided to sleep in. Try this: You need 30 minutes of exposure to light first thing. An easy way to get it is to go for a half-hour stroll outdoors while sipping your coffee. Or have your breakfast by a sunny window. If your schedule requires you to rise when it's dark outside, consider investing in a light therapy box ($174; Light Therapy Products) with 20 times the intensity of average indoor lighting, which people use to treat seasonal affective disorder (SAD). No light box? Crank up the lights every little bit may help. Put more protein in your diet New science: Limit them. Although they can provide a burst of "quick burn" fuel, carbohydrates are an energy drain if you consume too many. Women who reduced the amount of carbohydrates in their diets and raised the amount of protein reported feeling more energetic, in recent research done by Donald K. Layman, PhD, a professor of nutrition at the University of Illinois. "That's been absolutely consistent in all our studies," he says. Try this: Keep your daily intake of healthy carbs below 150 g, best apportioned like this: five servings of vegetables; two servings of fruit; and three or four servings of starchy (preferably whole grain) carbohydrates, such as bread, rice, pasta, or cereal. You might, for instance, start your day with a breakfast of one slice of bread or one-half of an English muffin, one egg, a slice each of ham and cheese, and a glass of milk. Lunch could be an open-faced sandwich of one slice of bread, 2 to 3 ounces of meat, and 1 ounce of cheese; two servings of vegetables; and an apple. Dinner should consist of 6 ounces of lean meat, three servings of vegetables, one serving of fruit, and one or two servings of starchy carbs. Postpone Your Pick-Me-Up Old Science: Perk yourself up with a midmorning coffee break. New science: Have your latte later. That's when you'll really need it. Caffeine keeps you operating at a high level by blocking the effects of adenosine, a sleep-inducing brain chemical that accumulates as the day wears on. By the time adenosine builds up to the point where you start feeling sleepy generally, late in the afternoon the effects of your morning caffeine will have worn off, says James K. Wyatt, PhD, director of the Sleep Disorders Service and Research Center at Rush University Medical Center. Try this: You can stay alert by drinking about 2 ounces of coffee (equal to a large shot glass) several times throughout the day, Wyatt found in a recent study. But you don't have to go to all that trouble. "Having 1/2 to 1 cup of coffee or its caffeine equivalent during the late afternoon, when the pressure to sleep is high, will keep you energized," he says. If you're highly sensitive to caffeine's effects, you should push your break back to early afternoon so you don't have difficulty falling asleep at night, he advises. Enjoy every meal by the clock Old Science: "Grazing" eating several small meals a day when you feel hungry keeps your energy levels high. New Science: Eat your meals at the same time every day. Your body's caloric needs are closely tied to its other daily rhythms, including when you get up and go to bed and when you expend the most energy (during your late-day fitness walk, for example). "What will make you tired is if your body expects a 7 o'clock breakfast and a 12 o'clock lunch and you skip one of those," says Layman. "Chaotic eating leads to greater hunger and overeating." Try this: Prepare your breakfast the night before so you're sure to start the day with a boost even if you're running late. Pack a lunch to take to work in case you can't get away from your desk midday. Make several meals on the weekend that you can quickly heat up so that you and your family eat dinner at the same time every night. That way, you'll all have enough energy for an after-dinner badminton game. Meditate in short bursts Old Science: Meditate for at least 20 minutes to reduce stress. New science: Get the same results with a very brief session. "Even in the span of 3 minutes, meditation can decrease the stress hormones that tense your muscles and constrict your blood vessels," says Judith Orloff, MD, a psychiatrist at UCLA and author of Positive Energy. "It increases endorphins, too." Quick time-outs throughout your workday are also easier to fit into a busy schedule than a longer one at the end. Try this: Find a quiet place where you won't be interrupted. ("In a busy office, that may even mean going into the bathroom," says Orloff.) Sit down and close your eyes. Listen to your breath as you slowly inhale and exhale, and when thoughts intrude, imagine that they're like clouds floating by in the sky. Then visualize something or someone who makes you happy. It could be someplace you've been on vacation, someone you love, or something you love doing (like lounging in a fragrant bath). Step outside during late-day slumps Old Science: Afternoon droop? Take a power nap. New Science: Illuminate yourself outdoors. Just as it does in the early morning, light later in the day may blunt an afternoon energy dip, which often comes on like clockwork. "Because of the way the homeostatic and circadian systems interact, most people feel a lull 17 to 18 hours after they went to bed the previous night," says Figueiro. Try this: Step outside into revitalizing sunlight for a short walk. Vary your routine by taking a different path every day, doing a short errand, or catching up with a friend on your cell phone. If you can't get outside, plant yourself next to a window, open the shades wide, and look out. (One day your employer may even be able to help: Philips Electronics is making a system for offices called Dynamic Lighting that alters the light level throughout the day raising it in the afternoon, for instance, to counteract the postlunch dip that many workers experience.) Start your workout with a song Old Science: Get primed for your workout with a light snack. New Science: Jazz yourself up with music instead. Exercise is a prime energy booster, but what if you're too tired for an antifatigue workout? Put in your earphones while you lace up your walking shoes: Music will help you forget you're whipped. Volunteers who worked out for 30 minutes while listening to tunes felt they weren't exerting themselves as much as when they exercised without music, Japanese researchers reported recently in the Journal of Sports Medicine and Physical Fitness. Try this: Load your iPod or mix CD with your favorite up-tempo tunes. If you're the literary type, an audiobook can also help distract you from feelings of fatigue. Turn down the right lights Old Science: Viewing TV before you go to bed will keep you awake. New Science: Watching TV is okay, but looking at your computer is not. "Studies show that very bright light the equivalent to outdoor early morning light will increase brain activity," says Figueiro. "Our work has shown that you can increase alertness with far less." Some scientists believe that the light emitted by a computer monitor late at night can do just that, confusing your body's sleep-wake cycle particularly when combined with the stimulation of an engaging video game. Wind down by watching television instead. Most people sit far enough away from a TV set (at least 15 feet) to be unaffected by its brightness. Better yet, read a book or magazine. Just make sure the light you use doesn't exceed 60 watts. Try this: Log off at least an hour before you go to bed. Good Sleep Wakes Up Memory A good night’s rest helps the brain consolidate memories. Students, take note. Getting shut-eye before tests boosted performance, study foundBy Juhie Bhatia, HealthDay Reporter
(HealthDay News) -- Besides helping you feel well-rested, getting your zzz's may also sharpen your memory, a new study shows. Researchers found that sleep not only protects memories from outside interferences, it also helps strengthen them. "There was a very large benefit of sleep for memory consolidation, even larger than we were anticipating," said study author Dr. Jeffrey Ellenbogen, an associate neurologist at Brigham and Women's Hospital, Boston, and a postdoctoral fellow in sleep medicine at Harvard Medical School. In the study, the researchers focused on sleep's impact on "declarative" memories, which are related to specific facts, episodes and events. "We sought to explore whether sleep has any impact on memory consolidation, specifically the type of memory for facts and events and time," Ellenbogen said. "We know that sleep helps boost memory for procedural tests, such as learning a new piano sequence, but we're not sure, even though it's been debated for 100 years, whether sleep impacts declarative memory." The study involved 48 people between the ages of 18 and 30. These participants had normal, healthy sleep routines and were not taking any medications. They were all taught 20 pairs of words and asked to recall them 12 hours later. However, the participants were divided evenly into four groups with different circumstances for testing: sleep before testing, wake before testing, sleep before testing with interference, or wake before testing with interference. Two of the groups (the wake groups) were taught the words at 9 a.m. and then tested on the pairings at 9 p.m., after being awake all day. The other two groups (the sleep groups) learned the words at 9 p.m., went to sleep, and were then tested at 9 a.m. Also, prior to testing, one of the sleep groups and one of the wake groups were given a second list of 20 word pairs to remember. These groups were then tested on both lists to help determine memory recall with interference (competing information). The result: Sleep appeared to help particpants recall their learned declarative memories, even when they were given competing information. According to the researchers, people who slept after learning the information performed best, successfully recalling more words whether or not there was interference. Those in the sleep group without interference were able to recall 12 percent more word pairings from the first list than the wake group without interference (94 percent recall for the sleep group vs. 82 percent for the wake group). When presented with interference, those who slept before testing did significantly better at remembering the words (76 percent for the sleep group vs. 32 percent for the wake group). "We were surprised to find the order of magnitude by which the data demonstrated our effects," Ellenbogen said. Jan Born, a professor of neuroendocrinology at the University of Lübeck in Germany, said the study offers more proof of the importance of sleep for memory consolidation. "Considering that learning in every educational setting (schools, colleges, etc.), is centrally based on hippocampus-dependent memory function [declarative memories], people should realize that optimal learning conditions require proper sleep," he said. Proper sleep may have other benefits, too, added Michael Perlis, director of the Sleep Research Laboratory at the University of Rochester in Rochester, NY. Research has shown that in addition to memory, sleep may be related to physical functioning, good immune function, physical and cognitive performance, and mood regulation, he said. "These are all theories. The only thing we know is that when we're deprived of sleep, we do less well. Is that a lack of sleep or sustained wakefulness? It's very difficult to figure out how to crack that nut," he said. "We spend 30 percent of our time on sleep. What is sleep for? This is a riddle we're still working on." More information For more on the importance of sleep, visit the National Sleep Foundation. You Are Getting Sleepy
Sleepy? Drowsy? Always ready to lie down and take a nap? You may be suffering from hypersomnia. How to fight the need to sleep and sleep.By PsychologyToday.com
Wouldn't it be nice to curl up and take a nap right now? About twenty million insomniacs pace the halls each night, but it's difficult to assess how many people suffer from excessive daytime sleepiness, known as hypersomnia. The National Sleep Foundation estimates that up to 40 percent of Americans have at least some of the condition's symptoms some of the time. Its consequences are worse than decreased productivity: Fatigue causes at least 100,000 car accidents per year, estimates the U.S. National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. Mass drowsiness can't be pinned on any one culprit. "Sleep lives at the nexus of our social life, biology, and behavior," says James Wyatt, director of the Sleep Disorders Service and Research Center at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. Wyatt and his colleagues send patients an eight-page questionnaire and meet with them for an hour before arriving at even a preliminary diagnosis. "We're not looking for the smoking gun, we're looking for all the indicators... it could be a biological sleep disorder, it could be a medication you are taking, and it could also be that you live near an airport or sleep with a noisy pet." In a Trance Hypersomnia is not merely feeling tired after a late night out. It's a stronger, more consistent sleepiness that compels you to nap, even at inappropriate times. See your primary care physician if you have a particularly hard time waking up, if you are especially anxious and irritable, and/or if you've lost your appetite. Unsurprisingly, excessive daytime sleepiness can cloud your thinking and mar your memory or even spur hallucinations. Sleepy Sources You can make yourself sleepy by repeatedly staying up. But narcolepsy, a neurological condition marked by uncontrollable urges to sleep, or sleep apnea, which causes interrupted breathing during sleep, are involuntary potential root causes. Factors that bring on hypersomnia (separately or in combination) also include depression or bipolar disorder, the use of prescription medicines, drug or alcohol abuse, a head injury, and a genetic predisposition toward drowsiness.
Wake-up Calls Hypersomnia can indeed be treated. Once a doctor determines what is causing your sleepiness, he or she would treat a primary sleep disorder first. Sufferers of sleep apnea, for example, may be advised to use a CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) device, a mask attached to a machine that blows air to keep nasal passages open during the night. Antidepressants could be prescribed if your doctor believes depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder is causing your excessive sleepiness. Stimulants are also a common treatment for hypersomnia—and new drugs such as modafinal are thought not to be habit-forming. Exposure to artificial bright light in the morning can help reset your body's internal clock. Your doctor may advise you to cut down on your drug, alcohol and caffeine, or may use cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques to help you establish a more consistent sleep routine. Sweet Dreams You've heard some of these sleep hygiene tips before, no doubt, but incorporating them requires not just knowledge but self-discipline. Try keeping a sleep diary each day to hold yourself accountable as you develop better habits. Most importantly, go to bed and wake up at set times. Try to exercise for at least 20 minutes, preferably five to six hours before bedtime. Establish a relaxing nighttime ritual such as taking a warm bath or reading—avoid watching TV or surfing the Internet too late as those images will get your mind racing when it should be settling down. SnoringTopic OverviewFrom Healthwise
This topic discusses simple snoring. If you stop breathing, choke, or gasp during sleep, you may have a potentially serious condition called sleep apnea. For more information, see the topic Sleep Apnea. What is snoring?Snoring occurs when the flow of air from the mouth or nose to the lungs is disturbed during sleep, usually by a blockage or narrowing in the nose, mouth, or throat (airway). This causes the tissues of the airway to vibrate and knock against the back of the throat, resulting in a noise that can be soft, loud, raspy, harsh, hoarse, or fluttering. You may not know that you snore. Your bed partner may notice the snoring and that you sleep with your mouth open. If snoring interferes with your or your bed partner's sleep, either or both of you may feel tired during the day. In the past, snoring was often considered no more than a nuisance that kept a bed partner awake at night. However, snoring may progress to upper respiratory resistance syndrome and obstructive sleep apnea, a potentially serious sleep disorder in which you periodically stop breathing during sleep. Because of this, it is important to see your health professional if you routinely snore. Snoring is common. About 25% to 50% of men and about 25% to 30% of women snore on a regular basis.1 What causes snoring?You snore when the flow of air from your mouth or nose to your lungs makes the tissues of the airway vibrate. This usually is caused by a blockage (obstruction) or narrowing in the nose, mouth, or throat (airway). When you inhale during sleep, air enters the mouth or nose and passes across the soft palate See illustrations of the tonsils, adenoids, and uvula How is it treated?You may be able to treat snoring through lifestyle modifications such as losing weight (if necessary), quitting smoking, changing sleep habits (such as sleeping on your side instead of your back), and avoiding the use of alcohol and sedatives before bed. If nasal congestion is disturbing airflow, nasal dilators (such as nasal strips), decongestants, or nasal corticosteroid sprays may be used. Oral breathing devices, which push the tongue and jaw forward to improve airflow, may also be an option. If these treatments do not work, continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) or surgery may be tried. Snoring is not always considered a medical problem, so insurance may not cover treatment. Frequently asked questions
May 16 Madonna to release single called "Hey You"
What to Do When Your Flight is Canceled?What to Do When Your Flight is Canceled?
Have your travel arrangements been disrupted or delayed? Knowing your rights can help reduce your stress.
By Robert Isenberg It’s a variant of Murphy’s Law: If you travel often enough, you will get stuck at the airport. Sooner or later, you’ll find yourself loitering by the gate, eating Skittles, re-reading your Tom Clancy novel and waiting for the latest announcement: That your flight’s been delayed another 25 minutes. Or worse yet, that it’s been canceled altogether.
Such snags can make you feel terrible, especially after the exhausting process of checking in, passing through security and waiting in line for a soggy burrito. You’ve done everything you were supposed to do (you even remembered to put all your liquids in a quart-size bag), and now, because of engine trouble or a hydraulic leak or terrible weather, you’re stuck in a shabby terminal, surrounded by angry people, thousands of miles from home. Well, you can handle it. Flights are canceled from time to time—sometimes it’s inevitable, and even if you own a private jet, you’re still at the mercy of roving thunderstorms and mechanical difficulties. But sooner or later, the delay will end, and you’ll get where you’re going. Here are some suggestions to help you put the wheels in motion and make the rest of your journey as smooth as possible. Call ahead Who are you expecting will meet you at the airport? Maybe your brother is picking you up, or a business partner is waiting at the Au Bon Pain. Perhaps you plan to find a limo driver standing on the concourse, holding up a sign with your name on it. First, make some phone calls. Think of the people you’ve arranged to meet and the hotel reservations you’ve made. Call your boss, who might wonder why you’re not at work. Like traffic jams and sick kids, canceled flights are a common problem, and most people will understand why you’re late. Even if your cell phone is dead, you can still find pay phones at the airport, and prepaid phone cards are available in many gift shops. Plan ahead Traveling to Boston in February? Hoping to hit up Bourbon Street for Mardi Gras? Passing through Tel Aviv on your return trip from Indonesia? It’s a good idea to anticipate where and why you might get delayed; bad weather, hordes of tourists and security alerts all can cause extra disruption to your travel plans. Plus, consider this rule of thumb about air travel: The bigger the airport, the slower the process of arrival and departure, and the better chance you’ll get stuck there. If you’re hitting O’Hare in December, you might want to get in touch with your friends in Chicago—just in case you run into an unexpected blizzard. Stay calm
If you’ve never experienced a canceled flight, you’ll be amazed how irate some passengers can get. And it’s a passive-aggressive fury—after all, anger is especially unwelcome in airports, where security is tight—so travelers tend to unload their rage on helpless ticketing agents. (“What’s wrong with you people?” “This is unbelievable.” “I’m never flying this airline again!” Before you make such a dire declaration, however, consider whether the airline next door is experiencing the same bad weather.) If you stop for a moment to take a deep breath, drink some water, clear your head and put the situation in perspective, it’ll be easier to approach the ticketing agent with an open mind. It’s OK to express disappointment, but remember that the airline employee isn’t personally responsible for canceling your flight. If anything, the agent is frustrated too, because now she has to attempt to accommodate all of those angry travelers. If you’re looking for favors (like a free hotel room, or the first available flight), being courteous only increases your chances of getting them. Your Contract of Carriage Somewhere in your e-ticket confirmation, or on the back of your boarding pass, you’ll find a reference to your airline’s Contract of Carriage (it can be found in full on your airline’s Web site). This is a promise the airline makes to its customers, outlining all your rights, including information on what happens in the event of a canceled flight or a missed connection. The fine print may seem daunting. “Times shown in timetable and elsewhere are not guaranteed,” says the contract for US Airways. “US Airways is not responsible or liable for making connections, or for failing to operate a flight according to schedule, or for changing the schedule of any flight.” But keep this in mind: Airlines run a cutthroat business. Customer care is a top priority—right behind flight safety and security—and nobody in the chain of command wants to create a bad image for the company. So airlines will do almost anything to keep their customers satisfied. For example, US Airways’ policy is to rebook stranded passengers on the next available flight “for no additional charge.” For delays of two hours or more, the company also will provide customers with a prepaid phone card. After three hours, you get a food voucher for an airport or hotel restaurant. And in extreme cases, the company will even provide lodging—but only in certain situations (“Overnight accommodations will not be provided for customers whose flights are delayed or canceled due to circumstances beyond US Airways’ control such as Air Traffic Control or weather”). If it’s sleeting or you’re traveling to Florida on spring break, get familiar with your contract. Knowing your rights (as well as the restrictions) makes negotiating with your airline a lot easier. Customer Bill of Rights Earlier this year, snowstorms caused major delays at New York City’s John F. Kennedy Airport—as well as humiliating problems for JetBlue, whose customers were stuck on the tarmac for hours, fuming with frustration. While JetBlue’s reputation took a hit—and airlines in general suffered some critical whiplash—the snafu eventually worked in customers’ favor: JetBlue has become particularly sensitive to how it cares for its customers. The winter delays of 2007 have become a cultural reference point, an event that none of its customers or its personnel wish to relive (JetBlue CEO David Neeleman publicly apologized for the airline’s difficulties). The airline now promises to financially compensate customers for “controllable irregularities” (again, make sure you know how such terms are defined). Though JetBlue was the only carrier to issue an official Customer Bill of Rights, the document has affected other airlines. It’s added that much more pressure to ensure you get home as safely and as quickly as possible. Make the best of the situation OK, so you’re stuck in Chicago for the night. Your significant other knows where you are, your hotel room has been comped and everybody knows you’ll be late for the conference. Now what? Under these circumstances, it’s best to treat yourself—to a nice dinner, a martini at the hotel bar, a movie, a massage, anything that’ll make you feel better. You can’t change the weather, but you can get yourself a gift. After such a stressful ordeal, you certainly deserve it. Robert Isenberg is a writer and actor. His mismanaged flights have led to vouchers, complimentary hotel rooms, upgrades to business class and stays in exclusive airport clubs. May 14 The Four Corners of BBQThe Four Corners of Barbecue Take a tour of the regional capitals of American barbecue—Memphis, North Carolina, Kansas City and Texas. By Zanne Schmalzer for MSN City Guides Kick-off for the 2007 super bowl of swine will be on May 17, 11 a.m., in that city of music and meat: Memphis. That’s when The Best Little Boar House in Memphis, Natural Born Grillers and the rest of the smokin’ field will compete in this year’s World Championship Barbecue Cooking Contest, part of the city’s Memphis in May festival. As Memphis prepares to fire up the competition pits, MSN City Guides is taking a tour of American barbecue, offering a little background about the varying styles that arouse fierce loyalty as well as introductions to some iconic barbecue joints you won’t want to miss. The Four Corners of Barbecue Barbecue takes on regional flairs, and in the U.S. there are four corners of it. In Memphis, pork ribs in sweet sauce reign supreme. Carolina barbecue is almost exclusively pork, and the shredded pork sandwich for which North Carolina is famous inspires pilgrimages from near and far. In Kansas City, Mo., it’s all about diversity and mixing styles. And in Texas cattle country, where pit masters have become known for dry-rubbed, slow-smoked brisket and beef ribs, thanks largely to Texas-style cookouts at the White House during the Johnson administration.  Memphis: The Barbecue Capital of the World You might think all the barbecue action in Memphis is at the fairgrounds at Tom Lee Park, but you’d be wrong. Outside the gates of Memphis in May a barbecue tradition awaits 365 days a year. Known around the world for a style that incorporates all the greatest barbecue traditions—wood and coal fire, direct and indirect heat, vinegar- and tomato-based sauce—Memphis has earned its moniker, barbecue capital of the world. Credited with developing the modern dry rib rub (a remarkably accessible combination of salt, pepper, garlic, oregano, chili powder and paprika—for color and a little smoky flavor) Charlie Vergo contributed significantly to the myth of Memphis barbecue. Serving close to four tons of their celebrated pork ribs each week, the Rendezvous is the essence of this eclectic approach.
The Carolinas: The Cradle of ’Cue Ask Jim Early, the president and CEO of the North Carolina Barbecue Society and author of “The Best Tar Heel Barbecue: From Manteo to Murphy,” how North Carolina became known as “The Cradle of ’Cue,” and he’ll spin you a yarn about a Carolina beach party on June 20, 1584, when college boys and European explorers dug a pit and threw on a whole hog. Then he’ll laugh and say, “It’s as good a lie as I have got.” The truth—and Early knows and tells it well—lies somewhere in the confluence of cooking techniques brought to Carolina by Native Americans, European settlers, slaves and Jamaicans, among others. The result of these diverse influences: cooking meat (specifically pork) in a pit at low heat (200 to 250 degrees), very, very slowly. Such a time-consuming process can become a hunt for flavor. As Keith Allen of Allen & Son Barbecue in Chapel Hill, N.C., describes it, “The taste that I am chasing is the best the meat has to offer.” Each morning Allen fires up his pit with whole hickory logs. Patience, he says, is what it takes to get the most out of “low-rent” cuts of meat. Allen seasons his chopped pork with a runny, cider-vinegar-based sauce that isn’t much to look at. But when you combine its spicy kick with 300 pounds of meat, a gastronomical memory is formed. “When I taste it and that tang wakes up those taste buds, I know I did it right,” he says. North Carolina barbecue is famously divided by an “east versus west” controversy. To the east, they typically pit-roast the whole hog, dress it with a lightly seasoned vinegar-based sauce and serve it with a white slaw. To the west, they use pork shoulder, dress it with a lightly seasoned tomato-based sauce and serve it with red slaw. But Early says he has had enough of the feud. “It’s time to stop the war,” he says. “We want a wedding.” This fall, look for news about a North Carolina barbecue classic this fall that will both sides under one roof. _________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________ Texas: It’s All Beef—and Occasionally Goat By now you might be considering opening your own barbecue joint. Naming your place is easier than you might think. Just follow this formula: First, signify pride in your product by using your name—Sonny’s, Pete’s, Bubba’s, Chip’s or R.J.’s. Next, get those salivary glands working with an evocative product description—Smokin’, Lip-Smackin’ or Red Hot. (Here, you might also refer to a regional style or note any awards your product has won—Championship, Award-Winning, Blue Ribbon.) Finally choose your preferred spelling—BBQ, Barbecue, Barbeque or Bar-B-Q. Don’t laugh: This worked for Cooper’s Old Time Pit Bar-B-Que in Llano, Texas. Over the years, several styles of barbecue have evolved in Texas. Cooper’s, with its open pit direct-heat method exemplifies the cowboy style of Texas barbecue. Cooper’s was founded by George Cooper. “My grandfather opened the first Cooper’s in Mason in 1953, and almost 10 years later my dad, Tommy, expanded by opening in Llano,” says Barry Cooper, president and co-owner of Go-Q (a new offshoot of the family business). Currently operated by close family friend Terry Wootan, Cooper’s Llano is chiefly famous for the distinct flavor of its beef brisket and sausages, but its pork chops and goat offerings are good sellers, too. While Texas barbecue is primarily associated with brisket, Luke Zimmerman, chairman of the Central Texas Barbecue Association and proprietor of Ruby’s BBQ on Guadalupe, in Austin, says he would be remiss “not to mention the presence of sausage that started in the meat markets in this region.” Many of the area’s best barbecue joints started as butcher shops, and many still operate meat counters. These markets turned leftovers and scraps into smoked meats and sausages. “A lot of Czech and German immigrants came to Texas, and many of them worked in the meat markets.” Zimmerman says. “They brought their traditions with them.”
 Kansas City: Where It All Comes Together Whereas Memphis, Central Texas and North Carolina have something specific that typifies their regional styles, Kansas City has taken a different approach. The city’s embrace of diversity makes it “the melting pot of barbecue,” says Carolyn Wells, executive director of the Kansas City Barbecue Society. Culinary historians believe Kansas City barbecue is the result of its geography and myriad culinary influences. Early on, the railroads and the Missouri River brought a supply of livestock to the city known as “the Heart of America.” From the south, Texas cowboys on cattle drives brought their method of cooking over open campfires. From the east, Carolina pioneers introduced the slow cooking style they adapted from the plains Indians. Finally, African and Caribbean cooks contributed their firing techniques and seasoning styles. Kansas City grillers believe one does not live on pork alone. “If it moves,” Wells declares, “we cook it.” Here you are as likely to find chicken or lamb on the menu as beef or pork. “In Kansas City you can go 10 different places and get 10 different products, and they will all be great,” says Wells. If you’re hungry for beef ribs or brisket, beeline to Arthur Bryant’s Barbecue. In this unremarkable building you will find what essayist Calvin Trillin called “the single best restaurant in the world.” _________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________ Eddy Echols, general manager of the original Arthur Bryant’s (there are two other locations in the area), was raised on barbecue and knew the founder of Arthur Bryant’s. Consequently, he says, “We keep things like Mr. Bryant did them.” Here they slow-smoke it all: brisket, beef ribs, chicken, turkey and pork, sauced with a vinegar-based concoction. “Some places do it fancy, but at Arthur Bryant’s, we keep it simple,” Echols says. “You won’t even find a scale here. No weighing. We just grab a handful of meat, pile it high on the bread and serve.” The styles of the four corners of American barbecue may be at odds, but they do have at least one thing in common: All require you to come hungry. So whichever direction you go in search of the best barbecue, when you head out be sure to bring a healthy appetite—and plenty of napkins. Zanne Schmalzer writes about restaurants and the restaurant business. Writers Pick their best things in their city |
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'Spider-Man 3' Hauls in $29M in Opening
May 2, 5:17 PM EST
The Associated Press
"Spider-Man 3" cast a worldwide web with a blockbuster first day, hauling in $29.15 million in 16 overseas markets and beating the debuts of the previous two "Spider-Man" flicks in each locale.
The film had the best opening day ever Tuesday in some countries, including France, Italy, South Korea and Hong Kong, distributor Sony Pictures said.
"Spider-Man 3" opens over the next couple of days in dozens of other countries, including the United States on Friday.
"`Spider-Man' is a worldwide franchise, and the thing we're most excited about is that in two pretty completely separate parts of the world we've gotten off to a great start," Jeff Blake, Sony vice chairman, said Wednesday. "We certainly hope for the same in North America."
Domestically, 2002's "Spider-Man" opened with $114.8 million in its first weekend, a record debut that stood until "Pirates of he Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" shattered it last year with a $135.6 million weekend.
"Spider-Man 2" opened on a Wednesday before the Fourth of July weekend in 2004, pulling in a record $180.1 million in its first six days.
In France, "Spider-Man 3" took in $6.8 million on opening day, more than the first-day grosses there for "Spider-Man" and "Spider-Man 2" combined.
It grossed $4.6 million in Germany, $4 million in Italy, $3.7 million in Japan, $3.4 million in South Korea, $1.1 million in the Philippines and $1 million each in Hong Kong and Thailand.
The third installment in director Sam Raimi's superhero series, "Spider-Man 3" reunites Tobey Maguire as the web-slinger and Kirsten Dunst as the love of his life.
Adapted from the Marvel comic books, the film also introduces two new villains, Thomas Haden Church as the Sandman and Topher Grace as Venom.
Along with bad guys, Spidey ends up battling his own dark side as he fights the temptation to use his powers for evil after an alien entity infects his superhero outfit.
Go watch your spidey now! I'll wait for Megumi who will be flying in for a visit next weekend to watch together! :p
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