专辑名称：完美的一天
演唱歌手：孫燕姿
唱片公司：华纳唱片
发行时间：2005年10月07日
专辑语种：国语

01. 完美的一天 (虞洋.贾敏恕)
02. 眼泪成诗 (林夕.偲菘.伟菘)
03. 隐形人
04. 流浪地图
05. 第一天 (FIR.五月天.燕姿)
06. Honey Honey
07. 心愿
08. 另一张脸
09. 梦不落
10. 明天晴天

孙燕姿，完美的一天

从金曲奖『最佳新人』至『最佳女演唱人』，小女孩长大成人了小女人，也正在慢慢实现着她要的幸福拼图，虽然，不确定，最后的那一幅画，会出现什么样的画面，但她始终努力、坚持的描绘着，此刻的孙燕姿，每天都是晴天，她温柔的看着全世界，把一切交给时间 ，希望所有人继续感受她深藏内心深处，永远一个小女孩单纯的梦。这也是孙燕姿拥有最可贵的宝贝。

现在的孙燕姿，似乎已经拥有所有人梦寐以求的一切，然而，却永远记得，曾经问过孙燕姿假如要画一幅未来的图，她会画些什么？她露着无邪地微笑，天真的表情描述着：「一望无际的海边沙滩，一间洒满阳光的房子，一个一起生活的人，2只小狗，听不完的音乐， 自由自在着。」

完美的一天，孙燕姿音乐旅途，新的一页

从音乐制作发想开始，如何透过新的制作人从零开始是主要的关键，贾敏恕「完美的一天」，FIR+五月天+孙燕姿联合创作与制作的「第一天」，我们可以从新的合作上，听到新的音乐性。李偲菘、李伟菘的「眼泪成诗」…向来对燕姿很有默契的掌握，亦展现了歌 手在歌唱的音乐才华。

除了与新制作人的合作，在创作人与乐风上也大量使用了新的元素，新锐创作人虞洋谱出了愉快音乐性浓的「完美的一天」。「眼泪成诗」是知名作词人林夕与燕姿的首度合作，在二胡与钢琴、弦乐的交叠下谱出了扣人心弦的情歌，整张专辑的曲风囊括了流行、摇滚、 电子、Lounge Music，在这张专辑里，我们听到的是新旧音乐人的交手，激荡出精采的音乐火花。

孙燕姿（英文名：Stefanie Yanzi Sun，罗马拼音：Sng Ee-Tze，1978年7月23日—）新加坡华人，籍贯廣東．潮州，憑著獨特聲線及演唱技巧備受注目，2000年出道迅速走紅，为当今华人社会中知名的流行音乐歌手。

孙燕姿的父母都为学校教师，家教甚严，并有一姊一妹。5岁开始学钢琴，奠定了日后的音乐基础。求弥补消瘦的身躯，也学习了不少的运动，如游泳、搏击等。

初级学院时期，父母一直希望孙燕姿得以考上国立大学，父亲即新加坡南洋理工大学教授，可谓是孙燕姿良好的家庭教师，也因此孙燕姿顺利考上該大学。

大学时期，曾在校园中组成乐团，并编写了歌曲“Someone”。因对音乐热忱而加入李偲菘音乐学校。1998年，当时即将上任台湾华纳音乐董事长的周建辉到访了李偲菘音乐学校，做选拔新人的工作。李偲菘安排了数位表现杰出的学员，孙燕姿独特的声悦吸引了周建辉。孙燕姿开始有与华纳音乐签约的准备。

出道之後，隨即獲得廣大歌迷喜愛，並陸陸續續獲得許多的獎項，而在2006年9月17日於香港召開記者會，宣告轉換東家，加入Capitol唱片，成為蔡依林的師妹。孫燕姿也表示希望跟師姐多多學習。

The attentive art director

I stomped by this beautiful picture when I searched the internet and cannot but to clip it onto my blog site to share with everyone. It is a work by Paul Fusco.
Below is an extract from what he said and his great photography.

I've been doing this for a long time and I've finally come to the realization - and it took me quite a while - that we all work on things, generally, with a lot of concern and interest and we actually have a very subjective and strong point of view. And we believe in it, and we think it has great value and that is what we want to show up in our work. Everyone who is looking at our photographs is also very subjective and they react to it through who they are and they get something from it and you never know if they're getting what we [want them to get.]

New York City. 2000. Women In Mourning anti-police brutality rally. Paul Fusco/Magnum Photos

It's unreasonable to think that they are gonna get exactly what we want and what we got from the situation but we hope we can bring them close so they can feel and think more or less the way we do about that situation. Very often it's an important issue to us. It’s not just trying to make something look beautiful; we're usually photographing issues for a lot of reasons, most of them subjective, and with intent.

Inge Morath Award

Jessica Dimmock 2006 Recipient of the Inge Morath Award

Image from Jessica Dimmock's The Ninth Floor.

Last year, Jessica Dimmock received the Inge Morath Award which was established to encourage young female photojournalists. She shares with us how she found and completed her award-winning photo documentary 'The Ninth Floor' about several people in a New York apartment living with drug addiction, and why it's important to have an award only for women.

How did you find the subject of your photodocumentary?
I was studying at the International Center of Photography at the time. I was on the street fiddling with a digital camera because as of then I had not used one before. I was approached by a cocaine dealer who made it clear that he was a dealer. Over the course of the conversation he made it clear that if I wanted to follow him and photograph him I could. He took me to a variety of places - parties, people's apartments, the owner of an escort service. The last place he ever took me was the apartment where the project starts. He was arrested shortly thereafter, and I have never seen him since, despite trying to find him. But because he brought me to this apartment and made the initial introduction I went back with prints from my first visit. After that, and some slow starts, I was allowed to return at any time.

Learn more about the Inge Morath Award

I believe-
that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every
once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe-
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I believe-
that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe-
that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe-
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last
time you see them.

I believe-
that you can keep going long after you can't.

I believe-
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe-
that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe-
that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had
better be something else to take
its place.

I believe-
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I believe-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe-
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe-
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down,
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe-
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.

I believe-
that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe-
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe-
that it isn't always enough to be
forgiven by others. Sometimes you
have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe-
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe-
that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe-
that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe-
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally .
different.

I believe-
that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe-
that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you
you will find the strength to help.

I believe-
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe-
that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

Send this to all the people YOU BELIEVE In...all except for ONE!!!
I just did.

Decor8: A Passion for Purple

Have you heard of The Voice of Color? It's a color trend report on the Pittsburgh Paints website that takes four trends for the year and gives you the palette for each trend, a few images of the colors used in a room, and some products that work in the space. Although it's a good start, I'd love to see them grow it out a bit because it's a terrific idea and I'm sure they could really insert a lot more product and tips if they developed each trend more. This trend report is called Bloom, inspired by the garden in bloom, "Audacious purples, embraced by green, mauve, pink, and orange."

This serene space (top left) doesn’t need any embellishments. The large areas of color on the walls keep the room clean and modern. I think this dining room set is so classy, pairing sleek modern lines with a rich textured purple fabric and intricately patterned back. Can you just imagine lounging in this luxurious lilac lavatory? (Images from Domino and Homes + Gardens)

Once relegated to fragile old women, designers now embrace lavender as a calming, feminine, luxuriously soft tone. Purple can be understated and sophisticated when it takes on more of a dusty mauve tone. (Image from Homes and Gardens)


The kitchen is a fun, surprising spot for purple. I have always loved these soft lilac cabinets. Doesn't this look like a fun spot to prepare a meal? (Image from Sunset)


Purple can be brought into your décor through artwork, flowers, pillows, candles, so many accessories, so little time! (Image from Location Works)

Purple can be incorporated into outdoor living spaces, too, through natural elements like flowers. Isn’t this wisteria vine gorgeous? (Image from Domino)

..or even an over-the-top bathtub! Wow. Would you dare to go this bold in your bathroom? (Image from Bolig)

Purple is a malleable color, so put your own creative spin on it to suit your personal taste. Go forth, dare to explore the color purple in all its tints and tones. As you can see, the options are endless. Have fun! - Rachel Perls

*A footnote on terminology: purple is an imprecise term for both mixtures of red and blue and pure colors in the violet range of the spectrum. Read more here on purple versus violet: violet is spectral; purple is extraspectral.

Labels: color, inspiration

Twelve22

Happiness is looking at a group of images that swells your heart with so much joy and causes your creative juices to overflow. Go ahead, indulge in the beauty that is the everyday life of Twelve22 in her previous London home, now Minneapolis home dated 1917. View Anna's flickr sets here for even more visual goodness. Ah.


(images from twelve22)

Labels: blogs, inspiration, photography

Labels: designers, fabric, pillows

Labels: furniture, lighting, sales

Summer Solstice rituals date back to ancient times; but the items below are all general come-one-come-all celebrations with no religious tone. Note that some events -- such as parades-- may be celebrated on a weekend, not the actual summer solstice day!

Summer solstice is the day of the year with the longest period of daylight and the shortest night, and marks the first day of the season of summer. During the year, the position of the Sun as seen from the Earth moves north or south depending on the season. When the Sun changes direction, it seems to stand momentarily still.
The name solstice is derived from the Latin word solstitium (from sol: "sun" and sistere: "stand still"), so solstices are those moments of the year when the Sun reaches its southernmost or northernmost position, at the Tropic of Cancer (23.45 degrees north) or Tropic of Capricorn (23.45 degrees south). This is the moment when the Earth's tilt faces exactly directly towards or away from the Sun.

Illustrating summer solstice: The orbit of the Earth defines an ellipse with the Sun at one focus. The Earth moves around its orbit in the direction of the arrows, while spinning about its own axis, which is tilted to the plane of the ecliptic at 23.5 deg. The Earth axis points toward the North Star.

Summer solstice usually occurs on 21/22 June in the northern hemisphere and on 21/22 December in the southern hemisphere. As a curiosity, the Arctic Circle is the imaginary line that marks the latitude above which the sun does not set on the day of the summer solstice and does not rise on the the day of the winter solstice. North of this latitude, periods of continuous daylight or night last up to six months at the North Pole.

Summer Solstice Celebrations

Alaska - Summer Solstice Celebrations
Top billing goes to places with festivities under the 24-hour sun, and it's no surprise that in Alaska many cities and towns celebrate the Summer Solstice; check this list at Alaska Magazine.

Yellowknife Summer Solstice Festival
Also "way up north", the capital of Canada's Northwest Territories has a multi-day Summer Solstice festival, with music, and face-painting and other fun for kids.

Summer Solstice in Scandinavia
In other Lands of the Midnight Sun: "Midsummer's Eve" is hugely popular in Scandinavia (and in Sweden, it's actually a national holiday.) About.com's Guide for Scandinavia for Visitors overviews the occasion in several countries. In Norway, for example, bonfires are a tradition; visitors to Oslo can simply join in around a bonfire near their hotel.

Moving to celebrations in lower latitudes... Scroll down for New York, Californa, and more. But first:

England: Stonehenge and Glastonbury
Mysterious, mythic Stonehenge is deeply associated with the solstices; and people do observe the Summer Solstice there. For a festival, however, Glastonbury is the place to be: known for legendary associations with King Arthur and the Holy Grail, Glastonbury puts on a multi-day Festival of Contemporary Performing Arts. (Note: 2007 dates are in early June.)

NYC: Times Square Summer Solstice
New York City has multi-day events in tourist hotspot Times Square, with music, dance, and some surprises such as, for example, yoga sessions. Also, check for festivities organized by New York City Parks, such as this one in Queens: art-making, entertainment, face-painting, and more, at Socrates Sculpture park.

Also in New York, (the city that just has to have everything) is "Manhattanhenge": just as Stonehenge has the summer solstice when the sun and the stones align just right, Manhattan too has magic moments when the sun "sets in exact alignment with the Manhattan grid, fully illuminating every single cross-street for the last fifteen minutes of daylight." Read about these interesting occurences (in May and July), described by Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson, director of the Hayden Planetarium at the Museum of Natural History.

Boston Children's Museum
An annual "Summer Revels" event celebrates the first day of summer; in 2007, this is A Celebration of the Sea, a free performance, June 22 & 23, 2007 at the Museum’s new Children’s Wharf Park, featuring Circle of Song, the Revels’ 40-member touring ensemble of adults and kids.

WI: Green Lake 10th Annual Summer Solstice Celebration
Saturday June 16 2007 brings a day-long party with Summer Solstice "Bed Races", town-wide pajama party, Medallian Hunt in a 4-block radius, entertainment. Green Lake is within an 1-1/2 drive of Wisconsin's major cities, 3-hour drive from Chicago; lake recreation, hiking, etc.

CA: Los Angeles
For 25 years, the California Traditional Music Society has put on The Summer Solstice Folk Music, Dance and Storytelling Festival, with musicians, dancers, singers, and storytellers fom around the world.

CA: Santa Barbara Summer Solstice Parade
This city between LA and San Francisco has a parade and a two-day festival; children's area with storytellers, musicians, air bouncer, face-painting, free art projects.

WA: Fremont Summer Solstice Parade
Started in the late 80's in this Seattle neighborhood, this Parade is now a "citywide community art parade". Anyone can join in the parade, or picnic afterward in a park, with music and food.

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you’re lost inside
I…I will be there to find you

Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I…I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you’re lost inside
I…I will be there to find you

Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I…I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

You are loved
Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
Don’t give up
Every one is to be heard
You are loved

At 111, world's oldest man honored in Japan
Still going, Tomoji Tanabe says, ‘I don’t want to die’
© 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

TOKYO - At 111, the world’s oldest man keeps a daily diary, drinks milk and stays away from alcohol and smoking.

“I don’t want to die,” Tomoji Tanabe told reporters Monday, while receiving a certificate from the Guinness World Records at a ceremony in southern Japan verifying him as the world’s oldest male.

Tanabe, who lives in the southern city of Miyakonojo, took the title in January following the death of Puerto Rico’s Emiliano Mercado Del Toro, who at 115 was also the oldest human. But Tanabe, born Sept. 18, 1895, was certified by Guinness only earlier this month, according to Kyodo News agency.

The billionaires you don't know

He's picked off Warren Buffett; can Bill Gates be next? A low-profile Mexican tycoon is now the world's second-richest person. He is just one of several under-the-radar billionaires worldwide.
By Forbes.com

You know about Gates. You know about Buffett. But do you know about Slim?

Mexican telecom titan Carlos Slim Helú quietly slipped past value investor Warren Buffett in late March to become the second-richest man in the world.

Slim is worth $53.1 billion, compared with Buffett's $52.4 billion, according to our rankings. He is also breathtakingly close to passing Bill Gates, currently worth $56 billion. Gates, who co-founded Microsoft (the publisher of MSN Money) in 1975, has been the world's richest man for a record 13 years.

Slim added $4 billion to his fortune through stock-market gains in the two months before we locked in net worths for our annual billionaires rankings. It's an amazing run for the 67-year-old tycoon. He added $23 billion to his fortune in just over a year. The surge was fueled largely by a strong Mexican economy and a stock market that jumped 49% in 2006.

Yet surprisingly, many outside of Wall Street or business don't know him. Like many other fantastically rich people, he has slipped under the general public's radar. Unlike Slim, that's often because they built their wealth through privately held companies. Take the extra-secretive Cargill family. The descendants of William W. Cargill, who started an agricultural empire with one grain elevator in post-Civil War Iowa, keep a low profile.

Private wealth

That's because they can. The largest private company in America, Cargill is still 90% family-owned, and employees own the rest. Unlike Gates, who must disclose his Microsoft stock holdings in public filings, the Cargills are under no such obligation.

There are two branches to the Cargill family. After William W. Cargill's death, his son-in-law, John MacMillan, rescued the company from a debt crisis. Today, Forbes estimates that the MacMillans are worth $1.2 billion each. Last year, the fortunes of James and Margaret Cargill were estimated at $1.8 billion each, but both passed away in 2006, as did W. Duncan MacMillan.

Of course, most billionaires are well-known within some communities, so we can't promise that you've never heard of the rich people on this list. Wall Streeters undoubtedly know about Abigail Johnson, whose family controls Fidelity Investments, the largest mutual fund company in the United States. Johnson graduated from college in 1984 and started working at the family company four years later. She ran her first diversified fund in 1993 and became president of the company's mutual fund division in 2001. Net worth: $12.5 billion.

And Albert von Thurn und Taxis, the youngest billionaire in the world, is well-known in his home country of Germany. He inherited a fortune on his 18th birthday in 2001. His assets now include an art collection, a tech company and one of the largest parcels of forest land in Europe. He lives in one of his family's castles. And yes, ladies, as far as we know, he's single.

Global-economy giants

Then there are the emerging-market billionaires, who are well-known in their home countries and will soon be making headlines all over the world. Take Vijay Mallya, who may be the Indians' answer to Richard Branson. Right now, the flamboyant liquor mogul is worth only about $1 billion. But Mallya is growing his fortune by expanding his liquor business and, more recently, by starting an airline.

His UB Group recently acquired archrival Shaw Wallace, becoming the third-largest spirits producer by volume. Top brands include Bagpiper whiskey and Kingfisher beer, and he launched Kingfisher Airlines last year. He has a fleet of vintage cars, a stud farm with 200 horses and an 18-year-old son, Sidharta, who has been anointed his successor.

• Video: Mexico's telecom titan Carlos Slim Helú

As for Slim, no doubt he's headed toward becoming a household name. The Mexican magnate's rising fortune has caused a good deal of controversy because it has been amassed in a nation where per-capita income is less than $6,800 a year and half the population lives in poverty. Critics claim he is a monopolist, pointing to Telmex's control of 90% of the Mexican landline telephone market. Slim's wealth is the equivalent of roughly 7% of Mexico's annual economic output. If Gates had a similar proportion in the United States, he'd be worth $874 billion.

Slim says he is unfazed by the criticism. "When you live for others' opinions, you are dead. I don't want to live thinking about how I'll be remembered," he said this year. He also claims indifference about his ranking and says he has no interest in becoming the world's richest person.

When asked to explain his sudden increase in wealth at a press conference soon after Forbes' annual billionaire rankings were published, he reportedly said, "The stock market goes up . . . and down," and noted that his fortune could quickly drop.

11 billionaires you never heard of

Billionaire	Net worth
Carlos Slim Helú	$53.1 billion
Albert von Thurn und Taxis	$1.6 billion
Lily Safra	$1 billion
The Cargill family	$1.2 billion each (MacMillans); $1.8 billion each (Cargills)
Vijay Mallya	$1 billion
Paul Riegel	$1.4 billion
Barbara Piasecka Johnson	$2.6 billion
Ruth Parasol	$1.8 billion
Anurag Dikshit	$3.3 billion
Michael Price	$1.4 billion
Abigail Johnson	$12.5 billion

More from MSN Money and Forbes.com

• 4 secret millionaires' road to riches
• In Pictures: Richest people you’ve never heard of
• To get rich, start saving in your 20s
• In Pictures: Hottest billionaire heiresses
• In Pictures: The youngest billionaires
• Turn a lottery win into $2 billion

The punch line is that never should these three women meet.

While this joke elicits a smile even among the most committed of men, the truth is that finding the right woman is only one part of the equation. Timing is equally important, and without it love everlasting is just not in the cards. No amount of hoping, wishing, praying and ultimatum declaring, ladies, will make him yours ’til death do you part if he’s not there yet.

Love Me Two Times: Stages of Commitment
When it comes to a long-term romantic commitment there are two times in a man’s life: ready and not ready. Perhaps the writers who gave Carrie Bradshaw life on the now cult classic "Sex and the City" were on to something when they wrote that men are like taxis driving around with their lights off. Sometimes they’ll pick up someone if they feel like it—sometimes a lot of people—but generally speaking, they’re unavailable. Then suddenly, as if men had their own ticking biological clock, a man realizes that he’s ready for the next stage of his life: settling down. His available-for-commitment light flicks on, and the next woman who jumps in the backseat stays for the ride of a lifetime; she meets the "One" and he meets his nuptials.

As funny as that analogy might be, it’s not entirely true; well, not for happy and successful long-term relationships. Acting on timing alone without enough compatibility may just lead you to wonder what exactly is in your prenup. Despite high levels of chemistry, a relationship without shared compatibility is a surefire road to dissatisfaction on the other side of the "honeymoon period." The throes of lust and liking usually only last up through eight months to a year, tops. And the worst part is that sometimes these kind of relationships drag on well past their due, prolonging the frustration and boredom experienced by both partners. There are countless relationships between two ultimately incompatible people ranging from "just dating" to living together—and even married—that are empty ventures drifting into nowhere.

How did we get here?
Hooking up routinely with Mr. and Ms. Right Now, knowing fully that they are not the marrying kind is a recipe for disaster. Serial daters take up with "fillers" until something better comes along, but nothing does. So there they stand, afraid to be alone but mortified by the idea of being spending the rest of their lives with the person they’re with. Take it one step further as time marches on and two very incompatible people can end up committing to one another because they both feel obligated because of how much time they’ve spent together.

There never really is a right time to commit when you’re with the wrong person. The right person moves their partner with their heart, not drags them reluctantly each step of the way toward a level of commitment they’re not ready to provide. Timing without true compatibility leads to settling for less in the long run, and it’s not good enough. The bottom line is that no one has to settle to settle down. The people we choose to spend our time with, whether fillers or not, become the ones that our fill lives, so keep a refined list of Must Haves and Can’t Stands in hand at all times.

But if not now, when?
Not every relationship should be abandoned when fumbling toward commitment, especially if you’ve got broad-based compatibility and things seem to be going relatively well. However, there comes a certain point in every long-term relationship when one partner questions where it’s going. Is he "The One"? Should she be "The One"? Relationships are unions to be monitored and assessed periodically, even after marriage. It’s best to be on as much on the same page from Day One as Day One-Million-and-One.

Absolute honesty ensures two people are traveling on the same path, so don’t hide what your needs are—from both your partner and yourself—just because you’re afraid of a negative outcome. A serious, long-term commitment needs to be desired by both partners for it to work without repressed doubts and resentments undoubtedly cropping up as much larger obstacles in the future, so do express your thoughts. Tell your partner you’re feeling, how much you enjoy their company, and that while you really love what you’ve got together, you just wanted to check to see if you’re on the same page. What you’re really asking is if you both share the same relationship goals.

Remember to address your needs gently. Don’t beat a dead horse and erupt into a negative, tear-filled explosion if you don’t get the resounding "Yes, I feel the same way" immediately. Men and women process information and emotions differently. It doesn’t mean your relationship is over or won’t succeed. It’s been said that women fall in love with a man in his presence, and he falls in love with her in her absence. So state your case and then give him time to process it on his own.

If he comes back with a response that it’s not the right time but that he still loves you more than anything in the world, don’t overreact; wait it out and then reassess the situation once your fears and insecurities have a chance to abate. Resist the urge to force the issue. Repetition is not the key to success in this situation if you don’t want to push him to an ultimatum that may end your relationship permanently. If anything, repeating "The Talk" may even the opposite effect, and can signal for him the beginning of the end.

Over time if you’re having talks that lead nowhere but a high level of personal dissatisfaction, you may have to think about your relationship in the greater context of your life. As much as you may love someone, are they or will they be able to give you what you need to be happy? Are you on the same page? Will you ever be? If your answers are unequivocal "no’s," you may have to gather all of your resolve and make the decision to leave. The perfect partner will want you as much as you want them.

The Mechanics of Serial Dating
Tell any group of women a joke about noncommittal men and you’ll get some snickers and cynical comments, but there’s nothing funny about being mixed up with a true noncommittal partner. It’s painful to lose your heart to someone who’s just not entirely there for you the way that you are willing to be for them. On some level they want to be there with someone someday, and will sometimes express that they want to be there (thoroughly confusing and misleading their partner), but in the end they’re not ready, and may never be. This is what’s known as unrequited love.

Where does it come from?
Romantic rejection experienced early on or observed early on in dysfunctional families growing up can lead people down a path of avoiding the kind of close, intimate relationships that they really long for deep within their hearts. But despite the desire deep down inside to have a serious, monogamous, committed relationship doesn’t mean they can. Not having healed fully from a painful set of experiences has left them genuinely distrustful of other people, and of their own ability to make the right choices. Unhealed wounds can even go as far as someone not feeling as though they deserve to be with the right kind of person. They are afraid to open up.

Relationships are mutual agreements of commitment. When faced with a proposition to take a relationship to the next level of agreement, a serial dater will break off what seems to be a perfectly great relationship because they cannot agree in good faith to commit. Risking any kind of rejection from a relationship that they consider serious is too much to bear, so they date people that they like, but not enough to warrant a serious commitment in their hearts. That next level of commitment with someone they never really took seriously on deep levels would blow their avoidant choices wide open into conscious view, and it’s too much to bear. Fear of being alone ironically keeps them alone on a very deep level—a self-fulfilling prophecy.

During the last few interactions together, the true serial dater might say things like "I’m really confused" and "I don’t know what I want," and that "it’s not you but me"—and they’re absolutely correct. It is them. They chose you from the beginning knowing full well that it wouldn’t work out on any sort of long-term level, so when it started to get hot and heavy, they reached for the eject button.

I’ll save this relationship!
Trying to save these serial daters is a lost cause that will only lead to more pain, frustration and a lowering of your own standards. Deep personal issues and forces are at work that time alone can’t solve. Listen to their "it’s not you—it’s me" breakup speech and keep moving, allowing yourself to feel hurt and keep seeking someone who will elevate you to the equal pedestal on which you both belong. Until the true serial dater reconciles their alienating motivations hidden by superficial expressions of affection, he or she will keep substituting the same types of good-for-right-now-but-not-forever people over and over like interchangeable widgets, and will leave a wake of broken hearts in his or her path.

What if it’s me?
If you are the noncommittal half in a relationship and you feel or know that your partner is pushing for a deeper level of intimacy than you feel comfortable providing, take a step back and assess what you’re looking for in the relationship. How do you feel about them? Could this change with time? Are you on the same page with your partner? Are you on the same page with yourself? If you’re with the wrong person, are you sacrificing a fear of being alone with the certainty of being dissatisfied in a go-nowhere relationship? Do you realize you may be hurting your partner by doing that?

No one is immune to the toxic feelings of rejection nor the immense joy of love. Both are two parts of the whole known as love, but there is a fairness to love that should be respected. If it becomes clear you do not feel the same level of love and/or commitment as your partner—and suspect you never will—you might want to think about doing the right thing for them and breaking it off, even if you can’t see that it’s also the right thing for you to do for you. If you ever have any hope of having a deep, lasting relationship in which you can finally feel secure and satisfied, you’ll have to take a leap of faith, risk loneliness and make the move toward self-honesty.

Past hurt doesn’t make you damaged goods, nor should it set an impossible barometer upon which to judge future potential partners. The anger of past trauma hurts like nothing else, especially unresolved anger mixed with its opposite desire, love. Feeling two diametrically opposed emotions toward someone has the potential to stall people for entire lifetimes, but only if you let it. Don’t waste any more years letting past traumas color your interactions with the opposite sex. It’s not healing time; it’s stalling, and it can leave you feeling very empty over the years. If you need a therapist to sort through it, get one.

With a lot of soul searching and honesty, you will know exactly when your time is to settle down, and it will be with a partner who is the best thing you’ve ever known. Far past the unsure feelings of your past relationships, you’ll know with absolute surety that you never had to settle to settle down—and neither did your partner.

Recipe 2: Pepper-Bacon Burgers
You get a double dose of peppers in your sandwich. Jalapenos are mixed in with ground beef and cooked mild chili peppers top the burger.

Ingredients:

• 1 large beaten egg
• 1/4 cup fine dry bread crumbs
• 6 slices crisp-cooked bacon, crumbled
• 4 - 6 fresh serrano or 2 to 3 jalapeno peppers, seeded and finely chopped (3 tablespoons)*
• 2 tablespoon milk
• 1 pound lean ground beef
• 1 fresh Anaheim or mild green chili pepper, seeded and cut into rings
• 1 small onion, thinly sliced and separated into rings
• 2 tablespoon margarine or butter
• 4 lettuce leaves
• 4 kaiser rolls or hamburger buns, split and toasted

Directions:

1. In a large mixing bowl stir together egg, bread crumbs, bacon, serrano or jalapeno peppers, and milk. Add ground beef and mix well. Shape meat into four 3/4-inch-thick patties.

2. Grill patties, on an uncovered grill, directly over medium coals for 15 to 18 minutes or until an instant-read thermometer inserted in side of patty registers 160 degrees F, turning once.

3. Meanwhile, in a small saucepan or skillet cook the Anaheim or mild green chili pepper and onion in margarine or butter about 10 minutes or until onion is tender. Serve burgers on lettuce-lined buns. Top burgers with pepper-onion mixture. Makes 4 servings.

* Note: Because hot chili peppers contain volatile oils that can burn your eyes, lips, and skin, avoid direct contact with them as much as possible. When working with chili peppers, cover your hands with plastic bags (or wear plastic or rubber gloves). Be sure to wash your hands well with soap and water before touching your eyes or face.

Recipe 3: Terrific Teriyaki Burgers
You'll love these hearty burgers with an Asian flavor.

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 cup soft bread crumbs
• 1/4 cup chopped onion
• 1/4 cup water
• 2 tablespoon sugar
• 1 tablespoon soy sauce
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1/8 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1 1/2 pound lean ground beef
• 6 hamburger buns, split and toasted
• 1 small sliced cucumbers (optional)
• 4 lettuce leaves (optional)

Directions:

1. Stir together the soft bread crumbs, onion, water, sugar, soy sauce, garlic, and ground ginger in a large mixing bowl. Add the ground beef and mix well. Shape the meat mixture into six 3/4-inch-thick patties.

Selling body parts for cash

No, you cannot legally sell even one of your kidneys, but you can peddle plasma and a few of the other things your body produces. And, in some cases, the price is right.

By Karen Aho

 

Isn't it time your body earned its keep?

By law, you can't sell your body even after you're dead. But you can get it to slip you a few 20s -- or thousands -- while you're still alive, by "donating" some of the extra pieces. Not too much is marketable, but what is can be offloaded for a price if it's in good condition.

What can you sell?

Plasma can be yellow gold

The 1984 National Organ Transplantation Act makes it illegal to sell human organs, a rule generally applied to tissues. So companies "compensate" donors for their time.

The big market: plasma, the protein-packed liquid component of blood used to manufacture lifesaving clotting factors and immune boosters, among others. These therapeutics comprise a $7.8 billion annual global market, according to the Marketing Research Bureau, with more than 70% of the source plasma originating from inside Americans.

This strong, steady demand simply can't be met by unpaid volunteers. Ten million of the 12 million liters we pump out annually is from paid donors, many of them regulars pocketing $200-plus a month.

"It's easy," said Ryan Elkins, a 26-year-old disabled Iraq war veteran who makes $55 a week for three hours of "sitting still." It's boring, he said, and he'd rather be back on explosives duty. But it helps buy the groceries for his family as he begins taxidermy school in Spokane, Wash.

Donors profiled on the BioLife Plasma Services Web site have sold plasma for decades, accumulating decent sums toward school, kids, home repairs, even missionary work. One woman uses the money to send her husband away on trips. Here's how it works:

• If you can give blood, you can sell plasma -- probably. The eligibility requirements are similar. You must be 18, weigh at least 110 pounds, be free of communicable disease and in basic good health with strong iron levels.
• There is no cross-contamination. Blood is drawn into an apheresis machine -- essentially a centrifuge. As it spins, plasma, the lightest component in blood, separates out and drips into a bag, which you can watch fill and turn yellow as you read the giant informed-consent brochure you just signed. At various intervals the machine thrums to a halt and reverses direction, returning the remaining blood down the same tube along with some saline solution. Your blood comes into contact only with disposable plastic parts.
• Seriously, though, read the brochure. There can be side effects: allergic reactions, dizziness, nausea. (For more, see this FDA letter.) The U.S. Food and Drug Administration limits each donation to between 625 milliliters (1.3 pints) and 880 milliliters (1.9 pints), depending on body weight, at no more than twice a week. In the United States you can give up to 91.5 liters, or 193 pints, a year, far more than other countries allow.
• With a little patience . . . Companies pay extra to bring you back. The first visit in a week might pay $25, the second $35. Plasma is 90% water and regenerates in 48 hours. At each visit, someone checks your vitals, then you recline in the chair for an hour. You cannot sleep, because attendants must know that you've not passed out.
• It's a large-bore needle. Need more be said here?
• Not every state has a paid donation center. Several companies recently pulled out of the business. To see if there's one near you, check the FDA search engine and select "Establishment Type: Plasmapheresis Center." Or visit the Plasma Protein Therapeutics Association.

For men only

It's far easier to get a date than a sperm-donor card. About 95% of men who apply don't make the cut.

For those who do, though, hoo ha! It can mean up to $1,000 a month for 1½ to two years, enough to pay the rent through graduate school.

For every 1,000 men who seek information about the California Cryobank, a leading service with locations near top-tier colleges, only nine become donors.

Applicants complete a 40-page medical history covering three generations, then get culled for buyer preference.

• Video: Sell your body to science

"We make sure he's not too short, too fat, too tall or too ugly," said Dr. Cappy Rothman, a clinic co-founder.

The ideal donor: 6 feet, medium build, medium complexion, blond or brown hair, green or blue eyes, a college background, dimples. This is what women want.

Then there's the sample. Donors must have sperm counts of 400 million to 500 million, twice the norm. And most of these sperm must be faster than an ordinary sperm, more powerful than an ordinary sperm, able to leap tall petri dishes in a single bound! Unfortunately it's supersperm for only one in four men.

Even those who think they're made of steel sometimes choose to opt out of the responsibility: frequent health checks, up to thrice-weekly deposits and periods of abstention. Not to mention the idea of being progenitor to as many as 35 very real human beings.

This isn't an industry that keeps good count. But Dr. Charles Sims, who undertook a survey as chairman of the Reproductive Council of the American Association of Tissue Banks last year, estimates it's an $80 million industry with some 1,500 active sperm donors.

Despite a growing movement toward open donation -- where children can contact their donor parent at 18 -- Sims believes banks can continue to guarantee anonymity.

Seeking young women

The female egg, or ovum, is 90,000 times bigger than the male sperm, so it's worth more. Just how much more is unclear. In an industry that critics charge is underregulated, insiders don't know exactly what most donors are paid or even how many donors are out there.

A recent survey turned up an average of $4,217 per donation, but some clinics didn't participate, and donors frequently claim payments of $10,000 or more. Those targeted -- typically young coeds -- see ads promising tens of thousands from couples in search of that very healthy, tall, bright, beautiful young woman. If she's on a soccer scholarship and just won an arts grant, even better.

Still, the price is projected to remain high. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine says donor eggs or embryos were used in 15,175 artificial reproduction attempts in 2004 and that demand is growing. People are accepting the idea that if someone else's plump, youthful egg has a better shot, why not use it? Meanwhile, women who've been donors and made a good dent in their student loans or credit card debt say they'd do it again.

But that bloated pay figure can be misleading. Egg donation is far more labor intensive than sperm donation and carries health risks. To stimulate the production of extra eggs -- say one or two dozen -- the donor is placed on hormone injections for weeks and the eggs are extracted under anesthesia with a needle. The process can cause ovarian hyperstimulation, which in rare cases can be life-threatening.

Those considering becoming a donor should seek an outside opinion and read the fine print: Make sure any associated health issues will be covered by the buyer.

For more information, visit the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology.

'I've got my hair'

The self-styled posts on the Internet are intoxicating: asking $600 for long locks of "virgin hair," never colored, never blow-dried, never rooted in the flesh of fatty foods and hard living. But are people really paying?

• Video: Sell your body to science

Renee Sirokman is dubious. She's been buying hair to make wigs for the family business, World of Wigs, for nearly 40 years and has yet to meet such a high bidder. "If this was true," she said, "then wouldn't everybody be selling hair?"

She can, however, guarantee that a wig company will pay up to $5 an ounce for hair that's in decent shape. Most heads would pass muster, as long as the hair is not severely overprocessed, is at least 12 inches long and is packaged properly. A foot-long pony tail weighs 2 to 8 ounces, meaning a year in the hair-growth market might gross you a few bottles of shampoo. But, as Sirokman tells people, "Why would you want the hair to hit the ground if you can sell it?"

But wait, there's more

• Got milk? Breast milk costs $3.50 an ounce, and baby needs 25 ounces a day: A Beverly Hills household-staffing company made news when it hired out wet nurses. There don't appear to be others, according to the La Leche League, nor any public businesses buying breast milk, but experts don't doubt that private sales routinely take place.
• It's true, you can live safely with one kidney. But rumors of $50,000 apiece on the black market overseas are just that; buyers can get one in a village in India, or in Baghdad, for $700.
• "Donate" to research. Tissue didn't make it past the private screeners? Research hospitals and drug companies pay for the same products for studies.
• Don't like the idea of selling yourself? Then actually, really, donate. Give whole blood at a community blood bank. Only 5% of eligible donors do so, and there is a chronic short supply. And there are several breast-milk banks that accept donations to feed babies who can't handle formula.

Published May 22, 2007